The Ugliest Cars... ever!

A large part of the reason that a person buys a specific car because they think it looks good... ergo, they would look good sitting in them. Despite the fact that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, I cannot, by any stretch of imagination figure out how anyone thought that these cars look good and in turn make them look good. Or I guess all of those who bought these were just ugly blokes who would have looked good even while sitting on the back of a baboon.

Lightburn Zeta

Built by an Australian company that otherwise makes cement mixers and washing machines, the Zeta looks as if someone stuck the headlights of a Premier Padmini (our own Indian Fiat) and a rickshaw's canvas roof to a fiberglass pedal boat with tyres stolen from a Bajaj auto. Clearly, Lightburn should've stuck to washing machines!

AMC Pacer

There is a limit to which things can be made to look hideous, but somehow the designers and engineers at the American Motors Corporation managed to find a way to exceed that limit. Considering that it was built in an era when consumption of LSD or marijuana was de rigueur amongst the ‘creative’ classes, I am assuming that this was perhaps the result of a collective doping orgy in the company factory. No other plausible explanation I’m afraid.

Volvo 240 (1974)

Apparently the Volvo designers wanted square wheels too, but it seems they are illegal in Sweden. That is the only concession made in a car that was otherwise designed with a chap who was only given a ruler. I am told that compasses and protractors were in short supply in Sweden due to a copyright dispute over lines and curves between the Swedes and Italians.

Matra – Talbot Rancho

Named after the monkey of a famous Indian ventriloquist – looks like it was designed by one too.

Citroen BX

What looks like the the net result of a large number of spare parts and sheet metal pieces glued together by someone who worked in a brick kiln, is actually the work of a gentleman known as Marcello Gandini. He otherwise made a living by designing cars like the Lamborghini Countach, Diablo and the evocative Bugatti EB 110! I told you… all these designers smoke pot!

Fiat Multipla

A shipment of vehicles meant for the planet of Mygeeto to Bothawui got lost in the space time continuum and landed up off the coast of Italy. Some enterprising fisherfolk sold off the lot to Fiat, who in the middle of a recession wanted to sell anything they could lay their hands on. The Multipla came free with a fridge just in case you wanted to up the ‘cool quotient’

Pontiac Aztek

A chap called Wayne Cherry was responsible for this one. He has mercifully retired since.

Split Seconds

On a recent trip to South East and East India, I went mad with the drive mode on my camera. Compiled in a series... it made interesting viewing... have a look

Nano - a view from the other side

While the Indian press and public have been going ga-ga over the Tata Nano, let's have a look at what the world thinks of it. Of course most of the stuff dished out is by guys who've never been to India nor seen / driven the Nano for real - but its still fascinating to have a look at their perspective.

Foreman, a popular blogger on the Top Gear Website has this to say, "... Avoid all the options (like a brake servo, lighter socket or parcel shelf) and it comes in under £1,400. Small wonder its home country, India, is going berserk for the Tata Nano." More interesting though are the comments on this post.

Kilroy says, "When it finally arrives in Europe, at least you can be assured that it would never be stolen.. No self-respecting little chav would be caught dead in one for fear of being beaten to death by the rest of his mates…..
Remember those old Skoda jokes years ago? Like how do you double the value of a Skoda? Fill it with petrol?? Gentlemen, I give you your new Skoda… At least Skoda got better as time went on…"

while Qasim says, "Look, the thing is, no matter how much hype they make about this car in India, it is still, for most, too damn expensive.
People in the sub-continent have to take loans that take decades, even generations for some families to clear.Vicious cycle, Economics 101. I fear like many things, this may too, be an elusive dream for most Indians..."

And here is what F1fan says, "im an indian(a pretty well off one at that) and this madness seriously degrades me. A stupid little pointless peace of rubbish to my culture , I say. Anyways, how would I know? I drive an R8."

A Washington Post reporter test drove a Nano recently, and this is is her perspective. She writes and I quote, "On the track, with one of the car's engineers offering encouragement from the passenger seat, it felt comfortable and surprisingly sturdy and spacious. The seats are set high off the road, allaying some people's fear that it would be like driving a go-cart. In a country where a family car must provide space for mothers-in-law, the car has vast legroom."

People who commented on her article are mostly Indian, and here is a sample of what they had to say..

"fairenbalanced wrote: another condescending piece of crap article about India tinged with jealousy by ms wax, who should be sent back to wherever she came from. comparing a car to a lawnmower, words like pride and self esteem thrown in. im sick of these condescending pricks. proud, esteem, you guys are proud of your troops."

" Bangal wrote: What a arrogant attitude! Half of the article devoted to bashing India's traffic. Did you forget traffic jams in LA, NY, Chicago and of your beloved Washington DC? If we have revamped Nano in here instead of the gas guzzler,we better we be better of economically and environmentally."

While the lines are drawn and the vote is divided, here is my personal take. I think the Nano is a great car - an engineering achievement at the cost at which is going to be sold. But frankly its going to lead to more chaos in the small towns. Any one who's tried to drive through towns like Saharanpur, Agra, Bayana or Nellore would probably understand what I am trying to say.

It is commendable for a company like Tata to come up with an affordable car for Indians, but what we also need are the roads to drive them on. Sadly, there seems to be no effort in that direction from the authorities. The Nano will sell regardless of what people say about it - but I can only see the situation on the street going from bad to worse.

Now... you can chew my head off too :D

Be very afraid

That's one woman who isn't afraid to speak her mind



And yes, we're terrified ;-)

Corridor of stupidity?

I'm sure many of you (especially those in Delhi) have been reading about the Bus Rapid Transit (BRT) Corridor in Delhi. In short it is a dedicated lane in a normal city road which is to be used only by buses thereby allowing them to traverse faster, ergo providing faster public transport. It doesn't cost much to build a BRT simply because it basically involves existing roads, segregating a corridor for buses and in some cases re-routing or restricting the movement of other vehicles on that alignment.

On paper the theory sounds fantastic for a chronically congested city like Delhi with its lack of sufficient and efficient public transport system and consequential dependence of its residents on private transport - namely cars & two wheelers. For those of you who don't know the quantum of this problem, let me quote an oft quoted figure - Delhi has more vehicles on its streets than all the three other Metros (Bombay, Calcutta & Madras) combined !!

Many other cities in the world (specially from the third world) like Bogota in Colombia and Jakarta in Indonesia, have successfully implemented the BRT system. However, if the first few days have been any indicators, the BRT has been nothing short of a fiasco in Delhi. Not only has it led to acute congestion on the corridor itself, alternate routes have become choked too due to harried commuters switching over to them. So then one would ask, what went wrong in Delhi? Knowing whatever little that I do about Public Transport, here is my analysis which is open to dissection and ridicule by more learned readers.

Reason #1 is Delhi's mindset - As much as Delhi wallas depend on private vehicles for commuting due to lack of public transport, driving a car is a status symbol de riguer in this town. One car per house is mandatory and anything more is just to show off your greenbacks (or Gandhis if you prefer). I have been conducting a mini poll of my own and asked anybody I met (which includes people from all socio-economic strata) if they would like to switch from their cars / bikes to a faster, comfortable bus if given the option. The answer without a single exception was a resounding NO !! I asked them if it was an air-conditioned Metro (subway / tube / underground) train instead and almost 90% were ready to give up their personal vehicles. While it doesn't really prove a point - it just shows the lack of willingness on the part of the users to switch to this mode of transport.

Reason #2 is the downright stupid design of the entire corridor which perhaps contributes to the above. Would you believe that the bus lanes are actually in the centre of the road??? India is a left hand drive country, so by default all the buses and other slow moving vehicles are in the left-most lane and the bus stops are also on the left hand kerb, so technically one doesn't have to cross the road to reach a bus stop and board a bus, and neither does a bus have to move out of line to rejoin the traffic flow. While the latter issue is redundant in a dedicated corridor but the major issue which concerns those who want to board the bus is - how does one cross the road to get to the bus stop??

With buses out of their way, cars would supposedly move faster in a free flowing traffic situation, and since there are no foot over bridges or signal lights to control vehicle flow, bus passengers are left to fend for themselves as they are left to dodge oncoming traffic while crossing the road? While the able bodied may still manage to hop skip and jump to the bus stop, did anyone think of school kids and the elderly when they designed this corridor? And the physically challenged people didn't even cross their mind I'm sure.

Reason #3 and the most critical factor is the fact that the existing road has not been widened by much and instead one whole lane is now off limits to cars & two wheelers. Which basically means that private vehicles now have 30-50% less road to travel on, without any significant reduction in their numbers on the same roads. In simple English it means that the roads are narrower while the number of private vehicles has not decreased simply because a next to nothing percentage of commuters have given up their vehicles and switched to the bus. So if this is not a recipe for a traffic jam of Bangkokian proportions then what is?

You would wonder which pothead designed this whole thing? Well, the basic design was proposed by two eminent professors from IIT - Delhi, India's premier engineering institute. These two professors Dr. Dinesh Mohan & Dr. Geetam Tiwari head the Transportation Research and Injury Prevention Programme (TRIPP) of Indian Institute of Technology Delhi and thereby seem to be eminently qualified for this sort of a thing.

I do not doubt their academic credentials and ability. In fact, I have personally met and interacted with Dr. Dinesh Mohan as well and was impressed with his understanding of issues. However, I doubt his motives - this gentleman is highly critical of the Metro trains such as the one Delhi has. Read one of his articles here to know what I mean. As much as he is critical of the metro in this article, he is also made his love for the BRT pretty much clear.

And then what is it that we hear? Tata and Volvo, India's biggest manufacturers of high capacity low-floor buses that will be used on the BRT are the chief patrons of the TRIPP, the department headed by these professors as well? While the papers put it as 'conflict of interest', and Delhi Transport Minister doesn't think too much of it... it smells of rotten fish to me.!! I mean, the BRT in its full stretch would mean a route length of more than 150km across Delhi. Calculate the number of buses needed to ply on this route and translate that into profits for these two companies and you would get what I mean. While I do not accuse anybody at TRIPP of any form of corruption, at the same time - it is not the ideal environment on the other hand as well.
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To get Delhi wallas off their vehicles and onto public transport in my opinion is not possible with the BRT. You would need a metro kind of a system which is faster from point to point and more comfortable. Agreed that it is way more expensive, but still it is a price worth paying. You would ask where would the funds come from... well look at the private sector. If the people building private airports like Delhi can come up with Rs 9000 cr (USD 2 billion) for the modernization, Rs 11,000 crore (USD 2.3 billion) which was the cost for DMRC's 62km first phase should not be too difficult.

To sum it up, I would say that the BRT in its present form would just mess up Delhi further. While its planners may have chosen successful models like those abroad to emulate, they have failed miserably when it came to execution. More importantly, they have been unable to adapt that model into the socio economical and cultural context of Delhi and therein lies its biggest flaw.

Looking forward to your views and corrections (especially if I have bungled up any facts)