Dude

A lot of people these days have this annoying habit of prefixing or suffixing every sentence with "Dude!"

Here is a small dedication to these people


credit goes to Stephen Pastis, creator of the nastiest comic strip in the world and my favorite - Pearls Before Swine

The World's Most Pointless Song

Back in college, we used to love this song. Without this no party was complete... you just had to dance to this one. Now that I think of it, I can't figure it why it was a hit !! This song has the world's most pointless lyrics (short of 'Telephone dhun me hasne waali' from Hindustani)

If you don't believe me, read the damn lyrics.... specially the Hindi translation next to the original English lyrics and you'll get my point ;-)

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Oh my God, we're back again (Oh mere bhagwan hum wapas aaye)
Brothers, sisters, everybody sing (Bhaiyon Behenon sab milke ga-ao)
Gonna bring the flavor, show you how (Main swaad le ke aaoonga aur tumhe dikhaoonga)
Gotta question for you better answer now, yeah (Tumhare liye ek sawaal hai, tum jawab dena samje, haan !)

Am I original? (Kya mai asli hoon?)
Yeah (Haan)
Am I the only one? (Kya mai ek hi hoon?)
Yeah (Haan)
Am I sexual? (Kya mai maadak roop se aakarshak hoon?)
Yeah (Haan)
Am I everything you need? You better rock your body now (Kya Mai vahi hoon jo tumhe chahiye, apna shareer hilao)


Everybody (Saare logon)
Yeah (Haan)
Rock your body (Apna Shareer Hilao)
Yeah (Haan)
Everybody (Saare logon)
Rock your body right (Apna Shareer Hilao)
Backstreet's back, alright (Pichlee gali vaapis aayee hai, theek hai)


Now throw your hands up in the air (Ab apne haath hawa mein phenko)
Wave them around like you just don't care (Aise hilao jaise parvaah nahi hai)
If you wanna party let me hear you yell (agar tum party karna chahte ho to mujhe tum shor machate sunayi dene chaiye)
Cuz we got it goin' on again (Kyonki hum yahan fir se chaloo ho gaye hain)
Yeah (Haan)

Am I original? (Kya mai asli hoon?)
Yeah (Haan)
Am I the only one? (Kya mai ek hi hoon?)
Yeah (Haan)
Am I sexual? (Kya mai maadak roop se aakarshak hoon?)
Yeah (Haan)
Am I everything you need? You better rock your body now (Kya Mai vahi hoon jo tumhe chahiye, apna shareer hilao)

Everybody (Saare logon)
Yeah (Haan)
Rock your body (Apna Shareer Hilao)
Yeah (Haan)
Everybody (Saare logon)
Rock your body right (Apna Shareer Hilao)
Backstreet's back, alright (Pichlee gali vaapis aayee hai, theek hai)

So everybody, everywhere (To saare logon, sab jagah)
Don't be afraid, don't have no fear (Mat daro, na fikar karo)
I'm gonna tell the world, make you understand (Main duniya ko bataoonga aur tumhe samjhaoonga)
As long as there'll be music, we'll be comin' back again (Jab tak sangeet hai, hum vaapis aate rahenge)

Everybody (Saare logon)
Yeah (Haan)
Rock your body (Apna Shareer Hilao)
Yeah (Haan)
Everybody (Saare logon)
Rock your body right (Apna Shareer Hilao)
Backstreet's back, alright (Pichlee gali vaapis aayee hai, theek hai)

What's in a (sur)name?

This afternoon, I got a call from our telephone company. Here's how the conversation went..

Phone Guy : Hello I'm calling from the phone company, can I speak to Mrs. Aloo Potato (the phone is in her name)?

Me: This is her husband speaking, how can I help you?

Phone Guy: Is that Mr. Potato

Me: No this is Mr. Gobhi Cabbage

Phone Guy: (Clearly sounds puzzled) Mr. Gobhi Cabbage? Then Mr. Potato????

Me: Forget it, please tell me what's it about.... and the conversation went on...

--

Now what do I tell the wife and Mad Momma? Are women the only ones who face this problem?? Hume bhi life mein fight hai !!!!

The Best of Bollywood - 2007

The awards season has started in Bollywood in full earnest. While Taare Zameen Par, Life in a Metro, Chak De India etc. are in line to bag the major awards, spare a thought for these little gems that Bollywood produces. The delightful films have their own dedicated fan following. It is parallel cinema in its own right sans Om Puri, Shabana Azmi and their ilk. Hence I decided to honour some of 2007's most interesting films in my own right. So Ladies & Gentlemen, please give it up for Best of Bollywood that you missed ...

Some of the plot lines are courtesy unknown fans of these movies who've posted the stuff on Imdb, Indiafm etc. Thanks to all these unknown brothers

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Lets Start with 50 lakh - Story, Screenplay & Direction by Chandraekhar Yeleti

It is the story of Irfan Khan Iliyazi who's from a poor family in Bombay. He enters the life of crime at the age of 17 when threatened by an opponent, he retaliates by killing him and scattering his body parts on nearby railway tracks (What a start to his career, I'm impressed). Thereafter Irfan goes on to become an underworld don as well starting dealing in drugs and narcotics, and acquiring multiple identities and passports from Mumbai, Indore, and Sultanate of Oman (I love the geographical spread of his choices) !! On August 10 the Mumbai Police has him cornered at the airport while attempting to flee to Dubai, but Irfan escapes and re-locates to Hyderabad, Andhra Pradesh. Once there, he plans his escape by disguising himself and arranging the hijacking of an Indian Airlines plane to Kathmandu, Nepal, and thence making his way to Dubai (IC 814 remember anyone??). The Indian Police announces that they will reward anyone who apprehends Irfan dead or alive.

Everything goes according to plan for Irfan till the time he gets on the plane. Here he ends up getting abducted by four naive and inexperienced youth - who want to better their individual lives - by holding him hostage and claim the reward anonymously !!! However, the Police Officer, who these youth initially contact, happens to be on the payroll of Irfan and his associate, Musharraf. The rest I leave to your imagination.....

The original review was Written by rAjOo (gunwanti@hotmail.com)

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Our next little jewel has one of the punchiest titles of a Hindi movie, it's called Cocktail - The Deadly Combination

Director: Maninder Bhandari, Writer: Naresh Namdev , Starring : Vijay Bhatotiya, Samarth Chaturvedi, Preeti Jain, Mushtaq Khan, Waqar Khan, Gufi Paintal

The movie, released under the banner of Maa Chamunda International (?) caught my eye not just for its amazing title, but also for Preeti Jain. In case you don't remember her - think Madhur Bhandarkar and the so called rape case !! Details on its plot are welcome :-)

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Gabbar Singh - In the year of the disastrous Raam Gopal Verma ki Aag, I wonder why this one didn't set the box office on fire (pun intended), just read the plot courtesy an anonymous fan...

The prize on dacoit Gabbar Singh's head is Rs. 1 lakh, while the amount offered to capture Ram Katori (Sapna) is Rs. 2 lakhs! Gabbar can't bear the thought that he has been demoted from his legend of being the most wanted dacoit. So, he wants to kill Ram Katori to reclaim his title.

Meanwhile, Ram Katori kills her gang member, Bijli, when she tries to quit. She also kills Rajesh, with whom Bijli was in love. Rajesh's friend, Vijay, swears that he would avenge both the killings. One day, when Ram Katori and her co-dacoit, Birju, are out to buy bullets, Gabbar Singh manages to kill her. Instead of proclaiming Ram Katori?s death, Birju recruits her look-alike, Ram Pyari (Sapna), to impersonate her. Vijay, mistaking Ram Pyari for Katori, tries to kill her but realizes his mistake in time. Ram Pyari and Vijay fall in love and run away to live their lives in a small village. Gabbar tracks them down and kills Vijay. Ram Pyari takes revenge by finishing off Gabbar.

Stunning isn't it? I just wonder why these creative geniuses never make it to the big stage !!

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This one makes it to this for the sheer magnetism and originality of its title, I don't care what the story is and who the actors are, Sirf Naam hi kaafi hai.... khawatin-o hazraat, presenting Hi- Fi Log

Banner : Karan Arjun Films
Star Cast : Neha Joshi, Ramesh Goel, Tejas Kapoor, Seema Patil, Abhay Bakshi

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Our next feature stars some over the hill dinosaurs and the yesteryears star of the titillating 'College Girl' Amita Nangia !! Oldd Iss Goldd (If extra letters could guarantee hits, numerlogists would have owned Sony, Columbia & Warner Bros. long ago)

Oldd Iss Goldd 'iss' about the life of three oldd men trying to become youngggg again... The story starts with three oldd men (Kader Khan, Shakti Kapoor and Asrani) who are boredd in life and want to have sommmme fun to overlook the thought that they are old... The story develops when these three men go on vacation to Goa without their wives and have a gala time of their life...

The movie also stars a hunk named Vikram Singh whose filmography boasts of underground hits like Souten, Bombay Godfather etc.

--

And finally people we come to the end - Stop Laal Batti

hello... that's the name of the movie we are talking about, what were you thinking ??!! The plot of this movie is thought provoking and has a tragic end, but I guess the movie has relevance in these troubled times....

Raj is a rich businessman married to Manisha. The two have only sex on their minds (what a loving couple!!). One day, Raj's business fails and he is about to lose everything he possesses. When he is not able to raise any funds, his friend Pritam, offers him the opportunity to become a gigolo (dost ho to aisa!!). While Raj gets deeper into the job (??), Pritam tells Manisha that the only way she can help her husband is by earning big money as a call girl (Bhagwan aise dost sab ko de!)

Soon, Raj and Manisha become Prostitutes without each other's knowledge (Wait I thought Raj was a gigolo, when did he become a drag queen?). In the meantime Pritam is raided by police and when he offers the inspector a bribe, the cop asks him to send his (Pritam's) wife for the night. Pritam's wife has to sleep with the inspector, after which she goes into shock and dies. Pritam reveals to Raj that Manisha has become a call girl (Meri Beewi mari, to teri bhi jayegi!!). Raj is shattered, but he and Manisha confess to each other, realize their mistake and reform. But, by then, both discover that they have AIDS......

Producer, H B Singh must be complimented for having the guts and the money to make such a movie, nevertheless I am screening this one in office this coming World AIDS Day ...


That's it Folks - see you again next year

Gems from Rediff Matchmaker - 2

My habit of collecting 'interesting' profiles from Rediff Matchmaker continues.... here are a few more lovelies

Apologies to all those offended, in advance ..........

SV
I see my partner is good for my life.I am looking for partner is good target chess by she. I give help me in my life any time in my life. She never cut relations when I am going in the bad days.

** is good target chess? The first one, and I am stumped !!!

AS
Father: CA, Working in USA. Green card Holder Mother: MA,
Working as Teacher. Sister: BCA, Working with MNC.

** This family deals in abbreviations only. QED

SS
Hi, I am Shri, I am working in Railway in Delhi. i would like to have my partner sensible and broadminded. I want her to my friend first..my best friend. I am interested to know more about you..can we start please.

** So eager to start??? Wonder how will he keeps his hands off till the suhaagraat !!

BT
I AM SINGLE . AGE 30 .SERVICE IN PRIVATE FIRM FOR 5 YAEARS. I LEAVING GUWAHATI ASSAM. I AM STAYING WITH FATHER MOUTHER BROTHER, UNCLE & AUNT WITH SISTER COUSIN.

** If he is 'leaving' Guwahati then where is he going? And I love his Mouther ;-)

SL
I am midel class family.By father is Rtd. Engg.in Maharashtra
State Errigation Dept. My mother is house wife. we r three
brother & i am middle. my yelder brother is shop kipper. my last
brother is B.com IInd year. i am Bachelore Degree in B.sci.
Environmental Sci. & P.G.D.C.A. in Dr. B.A.M.U.,Aurangabad yet i
am working in New Bombay (Panvel)in Construction company.

*** he's middel, pluz hiz aggzent is louvely... wender how the shop kipper yelder bredher is ?


WA
Hi, It is said that to know feel the aroma of any beautiful
flower one should have it in his/her hand.. To be more precise
am not interested to speak all balderdash about myself
here.. Better catch me or contact me hat you can get after
giving me

** After your shayari, I have fainted, and so have all the girls who've gone through your profile. Dude, the day you get married, I'm going to chadhao sava rupaye ka prasad in Hanuman Temple.


JV
HI,I AM ONLY ONE PERSON NO MOTHER &FATHER WORKING IN FANCIALY CO AS TEM LEADER AND ALSO DOING SIDE BY SIDE ONE AGANCY OPERTING LOOKING GOOD LIFE PATTENER WHO UNDERSTOOD ME AND CARE ME ALSO INVOLED IN EVERY MOMENTES AND SHARE WITH ME.

** If he is only one person, then how can he be a TEM LEADER and also SIDE BY SIDE ONE AGANCY OPERTING? Something is fishy out here

MN
HI Everybody. Describing here myself, is as similar as responding
answers in Interview. So, I respire & Start Being an engineer,
Working in a Reputed company in India, Studied & Worked in Europe
for 5 years, Right Now love my parents & two Brothers,Family
values are important although when require, I can be liberal.Will
like a girl polite, enough caring, motivating, encouraging,
having basic human characteristics such as trying to speak truth,
not jealous, not angry young girl or cool,

** So he respires and starts being an engineer. I don't know what he'll become if he sneezes !!

Technology

I'm sitting in my office in Delhi on a stupid Tuesday evening, waiting for a heavy ZIP file to get downloaded. The file contains around 50 photos which had been taken earlier in the afternoon in Hyderabad and I am now supposed to send it off to a journalist in New York, who needs them in his 'box by the time he wakes up. He'd sent me a text message before going to bed that he needed them urgently as the CD I'd given him earlier got corrupted. End to end - the files would have reached him within 6 hours of him calling me up for them.

Now Imagine the same scenario around ten years back. The guy in NY would have waited for me to get to office before telephoning me on my desk line that he needed the photos (by when it would have been time for him to sleep.) I would have then telephoned my Hyderabad colleague on his desk phone to pass on the request. Had he not been there, I would have waited for him. By the time, the message got to him, he it would have been lunch time. He would have gone out post lunch to click the photos and then taken the camera to the studio around seven in the evening. Most likely the studio would have closed by then so he would have waited the next day to hand over the film roll. Another day before the prints finally arrive. By the time the photos reach me (I have to vet the photos before sending) it would at least be another day (or four days had it been Post) before the courier arrives.

By the time, I choose the photos and find the nearest International Courier and filled his form and the declaration (that I am not sending across any porn, drugs or nuclear weapons) it would have been another half day and a minimum of 2-3 days before the good folks at Blue Dart would have shipped it off to the Big Apple. In this case at least a week between the time the I got the call from the journo and he got his photos.

So we all assume that technology makes our life more convenient right? WRONG !!

Ten years ago, I would not have been in office past five in the first place so where does the question of me getting the call arise. But today, I have a cell phone, so journos (the 24x7 news channel variety) call me at 4 in the morning to enquire how far can see you on the runway. I have a laptop with a wireless internet connection, so my boss expects me to send and receive emails while I am driving at 120 kmph down Haryana's highways. I also sit in office till 8 usually, because technology allows my colleague to click photos on his fancy digital camera, process them on his computer and mail all 50 of them in a jiffy, so that I can download them and send them to the journo in NYC pronto !! And while all this happens, technology also allows me to vent my feelings on this blog rather than my stupid diary which gathers dust in my bookshelf.

And now we shall ask five friends to tell how technology has changed their lives. The lucky winners are

Vrij

Shuunya

Aa

C

Sidhusaaheb

Doling out advice

On a borrowed CD this morning was this song by Baz Luhrmann. It's called (Everybody's Free to Wear) Sunscreen. Some of you may remember this guy as the fellow who directed Moulin Rouge as well. Coming to the point, Mr. Luhrmann doles out plenty of advice in this song - of which many parts would have been the same, had I written it. I'd like to recreate some of those parts here... consider it advice for free

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...... Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh nevermind,

you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility lay before you
and how fabulous you really looked...

You are not as fat as you imagine

Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts,
don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind,
the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults,
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life,
the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t,
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40,
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard,
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander,
you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth......

Poor Darth Vader

This is absolutely my favourite video on Youtube, there simply isn't anything funnier than this





Enjoy

Meow-eeeeeeyuccckkkk!!

There is a new radio station in Delhi - and its only for women. That certainly is a first. While the idea is commendable - the execution is downright hmmmmm...... how do i put it...... well the execution is downright heteroclite !! It's called Meow FM can you believe it?

Just the other day I was driving back from work when I tuned to this channel. Some typical Bollywood number was playing and as the song ended, the RJ - let out this disgusting "Meoww... welcome back listeners, that was a song by ......" I was first wondering what the hell was that? Then a listener came on air to request a song and the conversation goes?

RJ - Meowww..... who's that
Listener - Hi this is Shewta
RJ - Meowww ... Shweta
Shewta - Hi RJ...
RJ - Shewta..... Meowwwwww !!!!!!
Shweta - Oh sorry .... Meow

At that point, I couldn't take it anymore and changed the station

Then again some other day, I tuned in again - simply because other stations were playing Himesh or some stupid real estate ad. This time, one RJ was handing over the mike to another and both exchanged big fat Meows !! The new RJ calls up some aunty-ji types and again goes Meow - the poor aunty ji had no clue what hit her and after much coaxing she managed to let out a Meow - best described as the one let out by a famished kitten hiding under a trash can on a rainy night.

Since the station is exclusively for women - I guess I had no business eavesdropping, but I just have one question? Why the f*** 'Meow' ?? Couldn't ye all find something better to identify with? The tag-line for the station is "Thodi Meethi Thodi Catty" (A little sweet, a little catty) but you should have taken the word 'little' a bit more seriously. I suspect that somewhere the inspiration behind this station must be that saucy Cine Blitz lady.

Anyways, the only piece of advice I can give you is to tone down the catty behaviour pronto, or soon you may have Woof FM coming up, started by tormented men whose wives, sisters or girlfriends have gone catty over them. Before ye all feminists starting bashing me up and burn my effigies at Jantar Mantar, I must state that I am NOT your typical MCP and I have nothing against women and their radio stations and cookery shows, I just cringe at the thought of two women screeching Meow each time they see each other. Imagine a college canteen, a bunch of girls yakking away to glory when another one their friends joins in, how would the conversation go?
"Meeeeoooowwwwwwwwwww Radhika !!!!!". "Oh Meoooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww girls, what's up?" ... Just think of the rest of the conversation and imagine the plight of the boys in the canteen. Imagine lunch time conversations in office, Imagine your lady boss going Meeeeoooowww on the phone !!

If this goes on a little bit more, you may see real cats committing harakiri, or simply go attack the nearest radio set. Please, for the sake of cats.... find a better name for your radio station.

India vs US

Difference between India & US



In the US it is okay to kiss in public but criminal to pee in public. In India, it is okay to pee in public, but criminal to kiss !!



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Stolen from Times of India's 'Contrapunto'

Powered by ScribeFire.

My favourite funnies

#10: Chameli Ki Shaadi: Anil Kapur, Amrita Singh, Amjad Khan & above all Pankaj Kapur steal the show. Kallu Mal's (Pankaj Kapur) "hain ji...." was just too good.

#9: Bombay Boys - Most people have trashed the movie, but it remains among my favorites. Luke Kenny is a pretty decent actor, should have been used more. Naseer and his loudspeaker treatment was too much fun.

#8: Jaani Dushman - Ek Anokhi Kahani: The director wanted to make the ultimate action multi-starrer of all time, but ended up with the funniest Hindi titles ever. Sonu Nigam was downright hilarious in the movie, but the centre of attraction was definitely the shape shifting Armaan Kohli. The snake dances with Manisha Koirala matched Jitendra & Sridevi any day.

#7: Chupke Chupke - Dharmendra, Amitabh, Om Prakash - one of the cleanest comedies ever made. Dharmendra was at his comic best screwing Om Prakash's happiness. An all time classic.


#6: Hera Pheri : Akshay Kumar, Sunil Shetty and that amazing actor Paresh Rawal starred in this hilarious comedy of errors. Rawal's Babubhai characters will go down in history as one of the most memorable comedy characters.

#5: Padosan - Sunil Dutt takes on Mehmood in the sweepstakes to woo Saira Banu. Kishore Kumar vs Manna Dey in Ek Chatur Naar will go down as one of the funniest songs in Bollywood history.

#4: Golmaal: Amol Palekar as twins who weren't twins and fooling the inimitable Utpal Dutt in another one of Hrishikesh Mukherjee's classics. Mooch Nahi to Kooch Nahi.

#3: Lage Raho Munnabhai / Munnabhai MBBS: Sanjay Dutt and Arshad Warsi had the nation in splits with their antics and gave Gandhi a new meaning in the second edition. Boman Irani was no less.

#2: Andaz Apna Apna: Whoever thought that Aamir Khan and Salman Khan would star in a comedy that would form a cult of its own. From the start to finish the movie is an absolute riot. The villian Paresh Rawal (in a double role) once again proves why he is amongst the finest actors ever and his bumbling sidekicks are the perfect foil. Shakti Kapur as Crime Master Gogo was memorable.

#1: Jaane bhi Do Yaro: A black comedy that went on to become a cult classic. Naseeruddin Shah and Ravi Vaswani star as the photographer duo who take on a set of corrupt building mafia. The chaos that follows is rip roaring. The Mahabharata sequence is funny beyond words and full marks to Satish Shah for playing the dead man with aplomb. Movies haven't gotten funnier than this one.

Chunnu Padhta Diamond Comics

Like most kids, I too was a big fan of comics. In my childhood, good foreign comics were hard to come by. Our exposure to Superman, Spiderman and He-man was limited to evening cartoons on DD. Most of the comic book diet was made up of Indian fare with the occasional Archie or DC/Marvel comic procured from the flea market. Back in our days there were quite a few publishing houses of which the prominent ones were Diamond, Raj, Manoj & Tulsi. Diamond and Raj survive to this day, while I do not know much about the fate of Tulsi & Manoj.

Diamond was ofcourse the most popular with its chief characters like Chacha Choudhary, Saboo, Raman, Billoo, Pinky etc. These I used to like only when I was very young as the humor was very simple and as I grew it became childish. Diamond however, also published more 'serious' comics like Fauladi Singh (a masked superhero who fights space invaders) and his pocket sized sidekick Lambu Singh. I used to be a big fan of this character specially because of his laser guns and rocket ships. Another Diamond plus was its Sunday afternoon radio show on AIR Vividh Bharti which I think continues to this day. The program used to be based on forthcoming Diamond comics and the voices often presented very dramatic and exciting (for a child of my age) previews of the next week's issues. . And who can forget the famous jingle, "Chunnu Padtha Diamond Comics, Munni Padhti Diamond Comics, Mazedaar Hai Diamond Comics".


This used to be followed by a trip to Vinod's or Dholki's (our neighbourhood comic stores) from where we used to rent the latest comics for Re. 1 per comic per day. Since it was a big dent on our weekly allowance (5 rupees a week back then) the money used to be split between cousins and friends.

Manoj comics was the other big publisher with characters like Inspector Manoj, Ram - Rahim etc. Its characters were inspired by Amar Chitra Katha / Tinkle & Diamond Characters (Ram - Rahim were their answer to Diamond's Rajan - Iqbal). But my all time favorite Manoj Character was 'Crook Bond' a bumbling detective with a robotic car (much like Q's) piloted by 'Mr. Hol-dol' a robot who sat on the bonnet much like the Rolls-Royce marquee.

Some years later Raj Comics hit the market and became instantly popular. Its artwork and story lines were clearly inspired by Western DC / Marvel comics. Its first two superheros Nagraj and Super Commando Dhruv became overnight stars and for that day and age the quality of artwork and stories were incredibly good. Then came a slew of new heroes and sub-heros like Doga, Bhokal, Inspector Steel, Fighter Toads etc. which were to a large extent inspired by western characters. While Steel was clearly lifted from Robocop, Bhokal was He-manesuqe in origin while the Fighter Toads were clearly the Ninja Turtles right down to their sewer home.

Tulsi had very much a B-grade lineup with mediocre stories and characters, the most prominent was Tausi, a sort of rip-off on Raj Comic's Nagraj. But the titles for which I used to lust the most was Indrajaal - published by the Times of India Group which were mainly Hindi translations of International comics like Phantom, Mandrake, Flash Gordon, Garth etc. and ofcourse Phantom (or Vetaal) in Hindi was my hot favourite.

Amar Chitra Katha has remained an eternal favourite as well, and even today I can't resist digging into the adventures of Shikari Shambhu (so much so that I have named Bangalore Traffic Cops after him) and Suppandi. Kaaliya the crow - Chamataka the Jackal, Doob Doob the croc... the names just keep rolling.

But I don't know if any of you remember Daku Pan Singh, a Robin Hood type bandit who gained mighty powers after eating a made by who else but a trusted sidekick. Then there was Lot-comics, low on paper quality but high on laughter content. The characters had names like Motu-Patlu, Ghasita Ram. Madhu Muskan magazine had Uncle Ji and an US return accented nephew who used to take his happiness, while now defunct Target magazine had Gardhab Daas.

Most of these names have vanished now, and the Indian comic industry is stuck in a time warp. Of the surviving ones Chacha Choudhary comics are stale and hardly evince any laughter, while Raj Comic characters have either become cheap or the story lines have become downright ridiculous. For serious comic book buffs, there is nothing left and the children of today either read sex or violence packed American ones or Japanese manga easily available in supermarkets now.

Wish I could go back to those days, wish I could lay my hands on some Indrajaal comics and what would I not do to read Daku Pan Singh all over again. Sometimes I wish the kids of today had much more to do than Internet, Pokemon & WWE !!

Those sozzled Eirish !!

An Irish man has been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So your man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He crawls home. Reaching the door he tries to stand up, and yet again, falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he summons the last of his strength and tries one final time to stand.

It's no use. He tumbles into bed and is soon sound asleep, only to awaken the next morning to the sound of his wife standing over him shouting. 'So... you've been out drinking again!' 'How did you know?' he asks, his head hung in shame.

'The pub called-- you left your damn wheelchair down there again!'

--

An Irish lad walks into a bar with his dog on a leash. The barman says, “Geez that's a weird dog: he's stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn't have a tail. I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it.”

50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the rottweiler gets mauled to pieces. Another drinker says his pit bull will win but the bet is 100 bucks. Another trip to the yard and when it's all over there are bits of pit-bull terrier all over the place. The drinker pays up and says, “Say what breed is that anyway?” The owner says, “Until I cut his tail off and painted it pink it was the same breed as every other alligator.”

--

Paddy goes down to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.

They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.

His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. Where the hell have you been?" "Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her." "Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You God damn liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!"

--

An Irishman walking out a bar......

My favourite Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris: The Mithun cum Rajnikanth cum Akshay Kumar of the Wild Wild West has a cult following on the Internet. Fans have collected their favorite facts about the über martial artist and posted them on this great site called www.chucknorrisfacts.com


Here are some of my personal favorites -

1. There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist
2. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants
3. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice
4. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down
5. Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Delta Force marathon on Satellite TV
6. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch
7. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill
8. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket
9. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium
10. And my personal favorite - There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

:o) V 1.2

With all due credit to Stephen Pastis - The creator of Pearls Before Swine. Perhaps the nastiest and funniest comic strip in the world

6 weird things about the Nomad

Tagged by Chandni : Here are 6 weird things about me

1. Most people have a smallpox vaccine scar on their arms, mine is on the sole of the right foot. Apparently the doctor thought I was too cute as a baby to have a scar, so he put it where it would be least visible !!

2. I love trains, specially the Indian ones. Most of us did while we were kids, but as a good friend of mine put it, " Some people don't grow up." No I don't collect models, but I collect their serial numbers. If you tell me the serial number of a loco, I can tell you what class it is, how many horsepower, what is its top speed and in some cases what depot does it belong to. You won't believe me if I told you, but I have even driven them and it gave me the kick which even a Formula 1 car cannot. After all, your average F1 car weighs 540kg and produces 750 horsepower. A WAP4 is 5350 horsepower and weighs a mere 118 tonnes.

3. I cannot bathe without my chappals on !! I can do that in a hotel, but at home I have to have my chappals on in the shower !!

4. I think hippos are one of the cutest animals on the planet.

5. When I was a kind, I wanted to grow up and be a Red Indian. Because I thought, their dances were the coolest, second only to Mithun.

6. You won't believe but thete are people who think I look super-cute when I am eating !

The Very Best of Bollywood in 2005

Just got hold of the list of Hindi movies released in 2005. Here are some of the very best. If anyone has seen them, please do post a review. By the way, do notice that some of the best in this list are the ones with English subtitles

2 Piece
The first on the list and I am clueless already

99.9 FM
Is this a movie? Or was there in the list by mistake?

Anjane - Unknown
Hum to abhi tak Anjane ke matlab se Anjan the !!

BF - Bad Friend
ROFLMAO

Billi - The Wild Cat
Somebody.... please somebody get Maneka Gandhi out here. She needs to see how humans are being subjected to such torture

Bullet - Ek Dhamaka
This one was produced by the people from Jane's Defence Weekly

Classic Dance of Love
Starring: Jeetendra, Sridevi, Jaya Prada. Music by Bappi Lahiri. Shot at the exotic locales of VGP Gardens near Chennai.

C U AT 9
Shot with the Nokia N series phone and circulated over GPRS. The format never made it to the theaters.

Dhamkee - The Extortion
Haha!! And Dawood Bhai thought we won't be able to figure out that he is the one producing this one.

Har Raat Naya Saudagar
Shakeela's thundering thighs are the highlight of this one, or so I am hoping

Hot Mashooka - A Dangerous Lover
Starring Bobby Darling in a Double Role ;o)

Kamjori - The Weakness
After the film flopped, the hero was signed on by 303 capsules as their brand ambassador

Kaaravas - The Punishment
This is the prequel to The Rock. Deals with the constipated life of Sean Connery when he was imprisoned at Alcatrez.

Main Cabaretwali
Featuring Item Numbers by Bindu, Shashikala & Guddi Maruti

Main Bikaoo - On Sale
You can watch the film's promos on TVC Teleshopping - To order call 9211420

Missed Call
Another movie shot on the cell phone. This one features Negar Khan in a saree.

Model - The Beauty
I consider it below my dignity to comment on such names

Munnibai MA BCom
Munnibai, jo mangta hai le lo, magar apun ko maaf kar. Bole to apun roz tere ko hafta denga, magar abhi too apun ek aur jaadu ki pappi diya na to apun ko divorce ho jayenga. Aur sun, vo Sanju baba ko bol retire hone ko. Abhi uska market khatam.

Raja Bhaiya Lage Raho
A critically acclaimed docudrama on the sex , lies and poltics of Pratapgarh. OK OK sorry, it was a joke... lage raho India lage raho

Ram Balram Aur Ramkali
The untold story of the time when Amitabh & Dharmendra fought over Negar Khan's panties

Topless
How could I ever miss this one? I have heard the title role has been played by Anil Kapur

U Bomsi N Me
At the end of the list I am sure you are as clueless as me. Where the fuck were these movies??

How Kaavya copied, got caught and got screwed for life

Damn you Kaavya !! You couldn't even get a simple thing like Ctrl C + Ctrl V right ?? Shame on you !! Didn't anyone ever tell you about the Shift + F7 option in MS-Word !! I wish you had known, you could have atleast used synonyms for god sake !! Copying like this?? This is not your CBSE exam, you should have known better !!

But see what you have done now. You've given people like Shobhaa De, a chance to comment on all things literary !! Imagine that stupid writer of the worst porn I have ever come across, posing as one hell of a literary icon on TV. But then no one complained of Shobhaa copying from anyone, after all there aren't too many ways of writing "......... as he unhooked her bra, she moaned in ecstacy.......". But then you got even Salman Rushdie to comment on you, that surely must have been the high point of your short career, or so CNN-IBN seems to believe.

How on earth did you ever get to Harvard? I am being told that you 'hired' a lobbyist to get you into that snooty place? And after getting to Harvard what do you end up copying ... er writing? A stupid 'chick-lit' novel !! The goddamn term itself is so disgusting, sounds like you borrowed some one's half chewed gum. That's not we expect from someone going to Harvard do we? I thought brain dead monkeys or women with a rat's IQ would want to read that sort of trash.

Anyways, what you HAVE ensured is that whatever copies that are left on the street will now be sold for premium though I don't see why anyone should have read your trash in the first place. And couldn't you find a better name than Opal Mehta?? Sounds like a post-modern Gujju jeweler's daughter to me.

All said and done though, enjoy your ten minutes of fame any way they come. Till now only the women knew about you and and your chick-lit trash. Now all the men know about you as well, and I guess that can't be such a bad thing after all. Look out of your window, you may find some Thambi geek with a "Marry me Kaavya" placard down in the street.

Good luck then.......

Gems from Rediff Matchmaker

I have this weird habit of collecting 'interesting' profiles of matrimonial ads from Rediff Matchmaker, some of the very best..............

GR (likes watching his partners and has a penchant for typing saharanpur in every sentence)
hello i am simple cool.i m living in saharanpur, working in group saharanpur my family in my mom,dad & me.i well setaled in saharanpur my family is a gursikh family,i watching a simple, smart intelligent,cool & gursikh life partner


VM (has difficulty explaining things, wonder how he would get a bride?)
Hello myself VM, this the difficult task to me that how I can explain to myself.

PB (is looking for a face readin docter chokri !!!)
m workng with airlines company looking for well cultured,nice human nature family loving chokri who is well educated and i dont know but my dream is to marry docter...because they are simple,goodlooking as no much styles and can r5ead every thing on face itself..i just like them

AK (hopes to get good self depended bride)
Hi She should be smart to handle any sitution without anyone help i mean to say self depended not by working but by mind and should also love my nature of work and understand Ups and down in profession love to encourage me and support me ofcourse i will be the same to her. Anyway hope get good and for that reason be Good.

SY (pity i couldnt see his pic so i don't know if he is really jolly!)
hi im sanju im very jolly person doin job as a software professional. as u see my pic im so. n looking for a MBBS girl with no religion bar.n fair girl

KM (has his fundas clear in life)
i want looking nice gal

KR (his wife would love him.. he would stay calm no matter how much she screams)
i am only son having 1sister she is already married my intreast is being calm at present i am doing job in private firm

SK (is he from a family of olympic sprinters?)
I am a fun loving person and my fiancy is should be very outspoken and should not hide any factors, should be a good friend and move well with my family members.

DK (human understandable person... now that's a new one !)
I NEED HUMAN UNDERSTANDABLE PERSON.BECAUSE OF ALL HUMAN BEINGS HAVE A
PROBLEM,THATS WAY I NEED UNDERSTANDABLE PEOPLE.

VK (i reserve my comments)
name:kakumanu.venkatasivannarayana Mother:peddammai father:sivaiah Brother:Nagaravindrababu (married on 22may2005) religion:Hindu(Rajaka) Hobbies:playing

cricket,kabaddi,chess. working: film city at Hyderbad( A.P)salary :Rs.3246/-pm

BB (is he scared of sting operations?)
hi this is Shankar looking for a nice girl i hope she must share my life.waiting for u r reply i don want expose my self much more meet me decide u r self.

What if...

These English movies were to be made in Hindi

1. One who flew over the cuckoo's nest : Vo jo koyal ke ghonsle ke upar se uda
2. Raider's of the lost ark : Khoi hui kashti ke lutere
3. Silence of the lambs : Memno ki khamoshi
4. Rocky : Pathrila
5. Close Encounters of the third kind : Teesri tarah ki nikat muthbhed

These Bands were Indian

1. Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Lal garam hari mirch kali mirch
2. Backstreet Boys - Pichli gali ke launde
3. Megadeath - Shaandar maut
4. Iron Maiden - Lohe ki aurat
5. Soungarden - Bagh-e-awaaz
6. Rage against the machine - Yantra ke khilaf gussa
7. Smashing Pumpkins - Kaddu Fodna

These Songs were sung in Hindi

1. Jam (Michael Jackson) - Murabba
2. My heart will go on (Celine Dion) - Mera dil chalta rahega
3. Torn (Natalie Imbruglia) - Fata hua
4. Get Down (Backstreet Boys) - Neeche aao
5. Smells like teen spirit (Niravana) - Kishor bhoot ki durgandh

More to be added as time goes by........