Friday, March 03, 2006


Why is it that no one seems to figure out what I am trying to say? Am I incapable of expressing myself, or are people incapable of understanding? Do I speak in Klingon or do people find my ideas weird beyond comprehension?

I don't seem to understand relationships anymore, because I don't understand anymore what purpose they serve. Am I using them as a means to an end, or am I being used for a purpose? I can't understand what's going on around me. Everyone seems to be shouting at me, but everyone says I am shouting at them. I don't like my work anymore, but boss says I am short of commitment. At the end of the day who's right, them or me?

I think I know myself better than anyone else, so I guess I should know what's the truth. But if you ask me, then I don't think I know the person I have become. I've been trying to a different person for everyone. A friend here, an elder brother there, a lover here and a father figure, a good employee here and a good team leader there. But I don't wanna be any of them anymore, because I don't know which one of them is me. I don't know who I am anymore... I seem to have played so many roles that no more am I myself.

Am a nomad to some and stormcatcher to others. Dog to some and tractor to others... who am I? How do I find that out? I need to go somewhere, but where?

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