The Best of Bollywood - 2007

The awards season has started in Bollywood in full earnest. While Taare Zameen Par, Life in a Metro, Chak De India etc. are in line to bag the major awards, spare a thought for these little gems that Bollywood produces. The delightful films have their own dedicated fan following. It is parallel cinema in its own right sans Om Puri, Shabana Azmi and their ilk. Hence I decided to honour some of 2007's most interesting films in my own right. So Ladies & Gentlemen, please give it up for Best of Bollywood that you missed ...

Some of the plot lines are courtesy unknown fans of these movies who've posted the stuff on Imdb, Indiafm etc. Thanks to all these unknown brothers

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Lets Start with 50 lakh - Story, Screenplay & Direction by Chandraekhar Yeleti

It is the story of Irfan Khan Iliyazi who's from a poor family in Bombay. He enters the life of crime at the age of 17 when threatened by an opponent, he retaliates by killing him and scattering his body parts on nearby railway tracks (What a start to his career, I'm impressed). Thereafter Irfan goes on to become an underworld don as well starting dealing in drugs and narcotics, and acquiring multiple identities and passports from Mumbai, Indore, and Sultanate of Oman (I love the geographical spread of his choices) !! On August 10 the Mumbai Police has him cornered at the airport while attempting to flee to Dubai, but Irfan escapes and re-locates to Hyderabad, Andhra Pradesh. Once there, he plans his escape by disguising himself and arranging the hijacking of an Indian Airlines plane to Kathmandu, Nepal, and thence making his way to Dubai (IC 814 remember anyone??). The Indian Police announces that they will reward anyone who apprehends Irfan dead or alive.

Everything goes according to plan for Irfan till the time he gets on the plane. Here he ends up getting abducted by four naive and inexperienced youth - who want to better their individual lives - by holding him hostage and claim the reward anonymously !!! However, the Police Officer, who these youth initially contact, happens to be on the payroll of Irfan and his associate, Musharraf. The rest I leave to your imagination.....

The original review was Written by rAjOo (gunwanti@hotmail.com)

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Our next little jewel has one of the punchiest titles of a Hindi movie, it's called Cocktail - The Deadly Combination

Director: Maninder Bhandari, Writer: Naresh Namdev , Starring : Vijay Bhatotiya, Samarth Chaturvedi, Preeti Jain, Mushtaq Khan, Waqar Khan, Gufi Paintal

The movie, released under the banner of Maa Chamunda International (?) caught my eye not just for its amazing title, but also for Preeti Jain. In case you don't remember her - think Madhur Bhandarkar and the so called rape case !! Details on its plot are welcome :-)

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Gabbar Singh - In the year of the disastrous Raam Gopal Verma ki Aag, I wonder why this one didn't set the box office on fire (pun intended), just read the plot courtesy an anonymous fan...

The prize on dacoit Gabbar Singh's head is Rs. 1 lakh, while the amount offered to capture Ram Katori (Sapna) is Rs. 2 lakhs! Gabbar can't bear the thought that he has been demoted from his legend of being the most wanted dacoit. So, he wants to kill Ram Katori to reclaim his title.

Meanwhile, Ram Katori kills her gang member, Bijli, when she tries to quit. She also kills Rajesh, with whom Bijli was in love. Rajesh's friend, Vijay, swears that he would avenge both the killings. One day, when Ram Katori and her co-dacoit, Birju, are out to buy bullets, Gabbar Singh manages to kill her. Instead of proclaiming Ram Katori?s death, Birju recruits her look-alike, Ram Pyari (Sapna), to impersonate her. Vijay, mistaking Ram Pyari for Katori, tries to kill her but realizes his mistake in time. Ram Pyari and Vijay fall in love and run away to live their lives in a small village. Gabbar tracks them down and kills Vijay. Ram Pyari takes revenge by finishing off Gabbar.

Stunning isn't it? I just wonder why these creative geniuses never make it to the big stage !!

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This one makes it to this for the sheer magnetism and originality of its title, I don't care what the story is and who the actors are, Sirf Naam hi kaafi hai.... khawatin-o hazraat, presenting Hi- Fi Log

Banner : Karan Arjun Films
Star Cast : Neha Joshi, Ramesh Goel, Tejas Kapoor, Seema Patil, Abhay Bakshi

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Our next feature stars some over the hill dinosaurs and the yesteryears star of the titillating 'College Girl' Amita Nangia !! Oldd Iss Goldd (If extra letters could guarantee hits, numerlogists would have owned Sony, Columbia & Warner Bros. long ago)

Oldd Iss Goldd 'iss' about the life of three oldd men trying to become youngggg again... The story starts with three oldd men (Kader Khan, Shakti Kapoor and Asrani) who are boredd in life and want to have sommmme fun to overlook the thought that they are old... The story develops when these three men go on vacation to Goa without their wives and have a gala time of their life...

The movie also stars a hunk named Vikram Singh whose filmography boasts of underground hits like Souten, Bombay Godfather etc.

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And finally people we come to the end - Stop Laal Batti

hello... that's the name of the movie we are talking about, what were you thinking ??!! The plot of this movie is thought provoking and has a tragic end, but I guess the movie has relevance in these troubled times....

Raj is a rich businessman married to Manisha. The two have only sex on their minds (what a loving couple!!). One day, Raj's business fails and he is about to lose everything he possesses. When he is not able to raise any funds, his friend Pritam, offers him the opportunity to become a gigolo (dost ho to aisa!!). While Raj gets deeper into the job (??), Pritam tells Manisha that the only way she can help her husband is by earning big money as a call girl (Bhagwan aise dost sab ko de!)

Soon, Raj and Manisha become Prostitutes without each other's knowledge (Wait I thought Raj was a gigolo, when did he become a drag queen?). In the meantime Pritam is raided by police and when he offers the inspector a bribe, the cop asks him to send his (Pritam's) wife for the night. Pritam's wife has to sleep with the inspector, after which she goes into shock and dies. Pritam reveals to Raj that Manisha has become a call girl (Meri Beewi mari, to teri bhi jayegi!!). Raj is shattered, but he and Manisha confess to each other, realize their mistake and reform. But, by then, both discover that they have AIDS......

Producer, H B Singh must be complimented for having the guts and the money to make such a movie, nevertheless I am screening this one in office this coming World AIDS Day ...


That's it Folks - see you again next year

Chak De - Let it not just be flavour of the season

I'm sure the movie inspired many a blogger to come up with something. My earliest memory of the game goes back at least 20 years. My team won the Inter-class tournament way back in Class V and that was the time I seriously took up the sport. I did fairly well in the game, went on to represent my school and even played at the National level. Some of the boys against whom I played; today play for India (Gagan Ajit Singh is one example). I learnt the game Rajinder Singh, the coach of the boys team in the movie - so I guess I am fairly qualified to comment on the movie and the game.

The movie though predictable (you couldn't have us losing, could you) was thoroughly enjoyable. It gave me serious bouts of nostalgia to the extent that I was screaming foul, penalty corner, fall back & 1-2 in my head !! The movie is currently flavour of the season - but I hope it just doesn't stay that way. Lets hit the hammer while the metal is hot.

I am sure there are thousands who would have just discovered (much to their horror) that cricket is NOT the national game - it is hockey instead. Do you know that India has won 8 hockey golds in the Olympics - no other team comes remotely close. Do you know that Sansarpur, a tiny village outside Jallandhar has produced 14 Olympians. You also might know that the President of the Indian Hockey Federation is KPS Gill the supercop from Punjab.

Now you may ask what business does he have in hockey - well the same what Sharad Pawar has in Cricket and Priyaranjan Das Munshi in Football. And that is what plagues Indian sport. Our sports federations are run by people who have no skill whatsoever in the game. People, who leave alone representing the country, would have found it tough qualifying for the waterboy in their school team.

The day Gill came on board, he started treating his players as if they were recruits of the Babbar Khalsa. His autocratic ways took their toll on anyone who dared oppose him. The one person who spoke against him was sidelined and his international career brought to a premature end. Dhanraj Pillay spoke against the improper ways of the IHF post the Busan Asiad win, and he was promptly ejected from the team - where else (bar the PCB, who's chief patron is Musharraf) will you see such a thing happening?

Some of the greatest players of Indian hockey have been my mentors at some point of time or the other. Today they are content with their government flats and their kids are running the petrol pumps that were awarded to them. Ask them about giving back to the game and all you'll be staring at dejected faces and shrugged shoulders. Nobody wants to get into the muck the game has become.Nobody wants to mess with the politics.

They also laughed and cheered with us during the movie, but sadness tinges their voice when I talk to them about it. I was chatting with a former Olympian this morning, he said "Oh kuch nahi hona, lokkan ne sab bhul jaana hai, munde bahar nikal ke kirkat kheddange, hockey sirf o jaange jinna ne sarkari naukri te flat lai ke chup kar jaana hai. Eh sab drama hai - je badalna hi hai, te sab to pehlon politician nu game to kaddon - to player no khidao... fir vekho ki honda hai" (Nothing is going to happen, after the movie all of them will go back to playing cricket. The ones who play hockey are content with a flat or a government job. This is all a sham, if you want to change something then first get the politicians out of the game. Get the players to run it and then see what happens)

I just hope someone, somewhere wakes up and decides to do something about it. Thank you Chak De for giving this glimmer of hope, thank you Yashraj - you've made a worthwhile movie after a long long time.

My favourite funnies

#10: Chameli Ki Shaadi: Anil Kapur, Amrita Singh, Amjad Khan & above all Pankaj Kapur steal the show. Kallu Mal's (Pankaj Kapur) "hain ji...." was just too good.

#9: Bombay Boys - Most people have trashed the movie, but it remains among my favorites. Luke Kenny is a pretty decent actor, should have been used more. Naseer and his loudspeaker treatment was too much fun.

#8: Jaani Dushman - Ek Anokhi Kahani: The director wanted to make the ultimate action multi-starrer of all time, but ended up with the funniest Hindi titles ever. Sonu Nigam was downright hilarious in the movie, but the centre of attraction was definitely the shape shifting Armaan Kohli. The snake dances with Manisha Koirala matched Jitendra & Sridevi any day.

#7: Chupke Chupke - Dharmendra, Amitabh, Om Prakash - one of the cleanest comedies ever made. Dharmendra was at his comic best screwing Om Prakash's happiness. An all time classic.


#6: Hera Pheri : Akshay Kumar, Sunil Shetty and that amazing actor Paresh Rawal starred in this hilarious comedy of errors. Rawal's Babubhai characters will go down in history as one of the most memorable comedy characters.

#5: Padosan - Sunil Dutt takes on Mehmood in the sweepstakes to woo Saira Banu. Kishore Kumar vs Manna Dey in Ek Chatur Naar will go down as one of the funniest songs in Bollywood history.

#4: Golmaal: Amol Palekar as twins who weren't twins and fooling the inimitable Utpal Dutt in another one of Hrishikesh Mukherjee's classics. Mooch Nahi to Kooch Nahi.

#3: Lage Raho Munnabhai / Munnabhai MBBS: Sanjay Dutt and Arshad Warsi had the nation in splits with their antics and gave Gandhi a new meaning in the second edition. Boman Irani was no less.

#2: Andaz Apna Apna: Whoever thought that Aamir Khan and Salman Khan would star in a comedy that would form a cult of its own. From the start to finish the movie is an absolute riot. The villian Paresh Rawal (in a double role) once again proves why he is amongst the finest actors ever and his bumbling sidekicks are the perfect foil. Shakti Kapur as Crime Master Gogo was memorable.

#1: Jaane bhi Do Yaro: A black comedy that went on to become a cult classic. Naseeruddin Shah and Ravi Vaswani star as the photographer duo who take on a set of corrupt building mafia. The chaos that follows is rip roaring. The Mahabharata sequence is funny beyond words and full marks to Satish Shah for playing the dead man with aplomb. Movies haven't gotten funnier than this one.

The Very Best of Bollywood in 2005

Just got hold of the list of Hindi movies released in 2005. Here are some of the very best. If anyone has seen them, please do post a review. By the way, do notice that some of the best in this list are the ones with English subtitles

2 Piece
The first on the list and I am clueless already

99.9 FM
Is this a movie? Or was there in the list by mistake?

Anjane - Unknown
Hum to abhi tak Anjane ke matlab se Anjan the !!

BF - Bad Friend
ROFLMAO

Billi - The Wild Cat
Somebody.... please somebody get Maneka Gandhi out here. She needs to see how humans are being subjected to such torture

Bullet - Ek Dhamaka
This one was produced by the people from Jane's Defence Weekly

Classic Dance of Love
Starring: Jeetendra, Sridevi, Jaya Prada. Music by Bappi Lahiri. Shot at the exotic locales of VGP Gardens near Chennai.

C U AT 9
Shot with the Nokia N series phone and circulated over GPRS. The format never made it to the theaters.

Dhamkee - The Extortion
Haha!! And Dawood Bhai thought we won't be able to figure out that he is the one producing this one.

Har Raat Naya Saudagar
Shakeela's thundering thighs are the highlight of this one, or so I am hoping

Hot Mashooka - A Dangerous Lover
Starring Bobby Darling in a Double Role ;o)

Kamjori - The Weakness
After the film flopped, the hero was signed on by 303 capsules as their brand ambassador

Kaaravas - The Punishment
This is the prequel to The Rock. Deals with the constipated life of Sean Connery when he was imprisoned at Alcatrez.

Main Cabaretwali
Featuring Item Numbers by Bindu, Shashikala & Guddi Maruti

Main Bikaoo - On Sale
You can watch the film's promos on TVC Teleshopping - To order call 9211420

Missed Call
Another movie shot on the cell phone. This one features Negar Khan in a saree.

Model - The Beauty
I consider it below my dignity to comment on such names

Munnibai MA BCom
Munnibai, jo mangta hai le lo, magar apun ko maaf kar. Bole to apun roz tere ko hafta denga, magar abhi too apun ek aur jaadu ki pappi diya na to apun ko divorce ho jayenga. Aur sun, vo Sanju baba ko bol retire hone ko. Abhi uska market khatam.

Raja Bhaiya Lage Raho
A critically acclaimed docudrama on the sex , lies and poltics of Pratapgarh. OK OK sorry, it was a joke... lage raho India lage raho

Ram Balram Aur Ramkali
The untold story of the time when Amitabh & Dharmendra fought over Negar Khan's panties

Topless
How could I ever miss this one? I have heard the title role has been played by Anil Kapur

U Bomsi N Me
At the end of the list I am sure you are as clueless as me. Where the fuck were these movies??