Two days ago, I get a call from my Big Boss' secretary asking me to ring up this gentleman regarding a film shoot at my workplace. The name given to me sounded very familiar but then so are most Punjabi names - and the name was the same as that of a flop actor, brother of a very famous lead actor. The number was a Bombay number, but then so are all Bollywood numbers.
Nevertheless, I call in my best polite corporate voice and here's how it went
Me: Good afternoon Mr. FA (Flop Actor), this is SN from DA. I was given your number by Mr. AH's secretary and I am told this is regarding some film shoot.
FA: Yes Yes, when can I come and see your godown?
Me: Godown? I'm sorry sir but I am kind of unaware to the background of your conversation with Mr. AH so if you could be kind enough to brief me.
FA: OK.. you see I am shooting for this film which requires a scene to be shot at your workplace. However, due to the tightened security following the recent bomb blasts, I am not getting permission to shoot at your premises. Hence, we are shooting in this mall, but I need props from your end to be able to recreate your workplace in the mall.
Me: Oh OK... Sir, let me see what I can do as I am not the guy who would be able to provide you with what you need. That's another department - I'll pass them the message and have them call you ASAP.
FA: OK Pls do, I'll wait for your call.
30 Minutes Later, my phone rings and its the FA again and he's agitated
FA: Hello, SN what happened man?
Me: (By then I knew who he was, so I was on first names with him) I'm sorry FA, but what happened?
FA: No one called me dude !!
Me: I've passed on the message FA, I'm sure someone will call you.
FA: But when? I have this shoot on this and this date and I need your stuff!!
Me: I understand FA, but just that I really can't help you. I have left a message with the people who can and I am sure they'll call you.
FA (Now trying to sound threatening, like he so unsuccessfully does in the movies): I don't think you get it. I have spoken to your Chairman, your MD and they have assured me that their people will help.
Me: Yes FA, we ARE trying to help, but I hope you appreciate the fact that mine is a big organization and does take some time to organize the kind of unusual request you have made.
FA (Now Super Angry): I don't think you know who you are talking to. I am FA the actor you see?
Me (In my best call centre employee tone): FA ?? I'm sorry Sir, but I don't recall....
FA: FA... remember that famous film with the famous song....
Me: Oh you're HA (Hit Actor's) brother.... !!!
FA: (Thoroughly deflated) ... yes yes.... can you please get your people to call me back. Its very urgent, please.
Me: Sure Sir... will try my best...
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
In conversation with the wife
Me : C till how far can you count in Hindi?
C : Chaalis (forty)
Me : Uske Baad? (After that)
C : Forty One, Forty Two, Forty Three...... !!
You can't argue with that, can you?
Love you babe :-)
C : Chaalis (forty)
Me : Uske Baad? (After that)
C : Forty One, Forty Two, Forty Three...... !!
You can't argue with that, can you?
Love you babe :-)
Saturday, September 20, 2008
To Nepal and Back - Part 1
It was the winter of 1997-98, I was a 1st year student at the Delhi University, when a bunch of friends decided to spend the New Year in Chandigarh & Simla. The plan was to take a train to Chandigarh and from there on meet another friend who lived there and proceed to Simla. We were all set, when at the last moment our friend from Chandgarh was thrown out of his house by his dad (albeit temporarily)...
We were really depressed seeing our grand plans being washed down the drain, when a brilliant idea struck R who belongs to Nepal. She suggested that we go to Pokhara in Nepal to visit her sister who was married to a captain in the Nepalese Army. This sounded like a brilliant idea, and I for one was most excited at the idea of seeing the Himadri range up close & personal.
Immediately, travel plans were drawn up and the route chosen was to Gorakhpur by train from Delhi and bus from there on. We got RAC tickets and leaving my residence for the station I checked the status on the phone I was told that we had confirmed seats now and gleefully met the rest of the lot at Nirula's (Delhi's famous pizza and burger chain) in Connaught Place from where we went to New Delhi station. It was about 1700hrs and the train was scheduled to leave at 1730!! Without bothering to check the status board, we went directly to the platform and started asking the porters but none of them had an idea about the train.
So I asked my friends to wait there while I checked at the enquiry booth. I took the ticket & sauntered down to the counter when I opened the ticket and....... horror of horrors it read Delhi Jn. (Old Delhi) & not New Delhi as we had presumed. I swear if somebody had timed me that day, I would have broken the world record for 100m & 200m sprints!!! When I told me friends about the situation they started laughing because they thought I was playing a prank, but it took all of a second for the color on their face to drain away when I showed them the ticket!! After that all hell broke loose, and before you could say Taxi, we were already on one rushing towards Old Delhi.
For those who don't know, it takes about 25 mins on a light day to reach Old Delhi from New Delhi, and it was about 1715 and rush hour had begun in the walled city. The Sardarji at the steering wheel was one of the very best and he skillfully weaved his way through the traffic. He didn't need a horn, he had me leaning out of the window, hurling the choicest of Punjabi expletives at anyone or anything that came remotely close to delaying us!!
He dropped out outside Delhi Jn. at exactly 1730 and luckily we didn't have to climb any stairs to reach the platform as the train was right in front of us. We started hunting for S8, our coach, but there was nothing beyond S6! Not knowing what to do, we boarded a second class unreserved coach just as the train started moving, and then it dawned on me... I had called the Hindi IVRS number and my coach was S 'Ek' meaning 'One' and not 'eight' as I had heard it!! We planned to get off at Ghaziabad and run to our coach but the way was blocked by innumerable daily passengers, we just couldn't even leave our seats, so for the moment we had to stay put where we were.
Darkness fell thereafter and it really started getting cold. We boys, in all our bravado were not wearing anything beyond a pullover and a light jacket and the cold really started biting. The girls had more sense and had packed in a couple of shawls. We just huddled together in them, while the train trudged slowly through the fields of Uttar Pradesh. The fog had started coming in really bad and the train reduced to a crawl, and finally came to a halt at Pilakhua. A few passengers got off, but I guess it was too late for us to go and retrieve our seats in the Sleeper coach, and the lack of vestibules in the coach made things difficult.
The train stood for a long time at Pilakhua, and it was the first time that I really started noticing our co-passengers. Most of them were daily commuters between Delhi & neighboring towns. They spoke in an accent typically found in the bustling markets of Chandni Chowk, Dariba Kalan, Chwari Bazar etc. I guess most of them simply weren't used to having 2 good looking girls in jeans in their coach and I suddenly realize that almost the entire compartment was staring at us!!!
We had generally been talking in English, and our attire & rucksacks made stand out like sore thumbs in the entire coach!! None of the stares looked friendly, some were simply ogling and one particular specimen brazenly was scratching his privates! I could even hear some snide comments being passed about us (specially the girls) and I almost wanted to get up and teach one or two a lesson, but I knew that I would be up against the entire lot, and it would be a downright stupid move and simply chose to ignore them.
We had been stationary at Pilakhua for almost an hour now. Most of the passengers had also gotten down the coach was a much 'happier place' now, so we boys decided to stretch our limbs and take a leak while the girls chose to stick it around in the coach itself. Stepping outside, we saw the reason for the halt.. it was fog. Fog so dense that you couldn't see anything beyond 5 metres!! And I ain't kidding.. infact while we were standing there on the adjacent track, I told P that I could hear a train approaching, he said no, if there was one, we could at least see the headlamp. Barely 15 secs later, we heard a sharp blast from what could have been nothing but a locomotive horn we jumped off from the track. We saw what looked like a zero watt bulb 10 miles away, but was infact the headlamp of the damned engine and it was barely 20m away. Thankfully it was virtually crawling, so no hard done.
This train was packed with evening commuters and they were all getting restless, so much so that the combined mob of both the trains started stoning the signal cabin, forcing the poor fellers inside to abandon their posts and run for their lives!! Hearing the commotion, the poor Station Master came to the scene, only to be caught hold of by the irate janta and given a sound thrashing!! Seeing things go out of control, we thought it was better to be with the girls and we got back in the coach.
For the next 30 mins or so, we could hear all hell break loose outside and then all of a sudden the adjacent train blew it's horn and started moving. Seeing this almost all of the crowd forgot everything and clambered on!! It was all peaceful within a minute!! Apparently the Station Master thought it was best for these buggers to go ahead and face trouble themselves so he let the train go in spite of the fog. Later we learnt, that the crowd had even ransacked the station and even broken the furniture and using it as firewood to keep them warm!!
Privately, I was wondering whether it was really a good idea to travel not knowing what lay ahead, but still decided to stick it!! Finally around an hour or so later, the fog reduced a but and we were given the go ahead. We crawled slowly to Hapur, by when our stomachs were screaming with hunger. A typical small town station, Hapur at around 2230 hardly had any stalls open, except the guy with the bread-omlette tea stall!! Those days I used to be vegetarian, but the hunger was such that I didn't even think twice before digging into the omlettes. In all we must have finished a dozen omlettes between us, which topped by the piping hot chai, made for a hearty meal:o)
We settled down in our seats, and the coach had literally emptied itself, so that we could easily stretch our legs. Since the windows totally fogged out, we could barely see the countryside. It's only when the stations came by, did we have a semblance of where we were. Slowly, the entire coach was asleep and there was hardly any light, save for the faint light bulb near the doors. There, between in the passage between the toilet doors sat a gaunt man, somewhere in his 80s singing a song in the local dialect 'Chodi Sundar Avadh Nagariya....' (Thus left the beautiful city of Ayodhya... referring to the Ramayana where Lord Ram is banished to the jungle for 14 years). His singing went on all through the night, though I could not pick up most of the words, those lines still ring clearly in my head whenever that night comes to my mind.
All night long the train crawled along at a snail's pace and many time used to stop for long intervals at wayside stations. Morning at around 0700 we reached Rampur, a distance of 189km in a mere 13 hrs!!! The train stopped for about 30 mins at Rampur we had breakfast which was repeat of last night's dinner, omlette, toast and chai!! The long halt allowed us to stretch our legs our bit. And then off we went again. Fortunately for us, the same came out pretty soon and it was real bright and visibility was great. And for the first time in 15 hours we crossed 60kmph! The driver settled down to a steady 70-75kmph and we were rolling down the fields of UP. The landscape was boring, with the monotony of mustard field after mustard field. P & I promptly named it DDLJ country. Now u'd ask me why, well if you have seen the Bollywood tripe called 'Dilwale Dulahaniya Le Jayenge' would remember the song which shows Amrish Puri & his family traveling by train running through lush mustard fields...
We reached Sitapur City around 1230 hrs where the train halted for 20 mins or so. We had lunch consisting of ripe guavas. There on the new train really stretched its legs and we creamed past the 100kmph barrier. The dilapidated coach was threatening to come apart at it's seams but the driver kept up the pace relentlessly. There were halts every half an hour or so, but they had no effect on our man who drove like a man possessed. We really covered up some lost ground and reached Gonda Jn. at about 1530 hrs. From there on till GKP, the ride was pretty sedate and at Maskanwa, all hell broke loose again. As soon as the train halted hordes of milkmen piled on into the coach, not before hanging their milk cans by the window rods with the help of hooks. Within a matter of seconds each and every window and rows of milk cans hanging, and some even hung their bicycles on the windows!! Despite our fears, the milkmen were pretty civilized and none of them bothered us for a seat and despite the crowd we were sitting comfortably.
But it wasn't long before trouble of another sort started. We had crossed Khalilabad station and were now on the outskirts of Gorakhpur, when suddenly one of the milkmen got up and said "Achha bhaiya raam raam, hum chalat bha-in" (OK brother, time for me to go) and with these words, he promptly pulled the chain!! The train stopped, he along with many others coolly got off, detached their cycles and milk cans and made off. The poor guard and I guess the assistant were left with the task of resetting the alarm and the train started in about 5 mins, only to halt again within the next kilometer or so!! Leaning out I saw another lot of milkmen getting off and making their way home, while all the time the poor guard could just shake his head and curse them under their breath!! It took us nearly 50 mins and some 7 milk halts to cover the last 10km to GKP and we finally got off at the station at 1920 hrs, 26 hours after we had left Delhi!!
But that was just the first half of our journey to Nepal, we still had to cross the border into the Himalayan Kingdom and I for one had no clue how?
Continued in part 2....
We were really depressed seeing our grand plans being washed down the drain, when a brilliant idea struck R who belongs to Nepal. She suggested that we go to Pokhara in Nepal to visit her sister who was married to a captain in the Nepalese Army. This sounded like a brilliant idea, and I for one was most excited at the idea of seeing the Himadri range up close & personal.
Immediately, travel plans were drawn up and the route chosen was to Gorakhpur by train from Delhi and bus from there on. We got RAC tickets and leaving my residence for the station I checked the status on the phone I was told that we had confirmed seats now and gleefully met the rest of the lot at Nirula's (Delhi's famous pizza and burger chain) in Connaught Place from where we went to New Delhi station. It was about 1700hrs and the train was scheduled to leave at 1730!! Without bothering to check the status board, we went directly to the platform and started asking the porters but none of them had an idea about the train.
So I asked my friends to wait there while I checked at the enquiry booth. I took the ticket & sauntered down to the counter when I opened the ticket and....... horror of horrors it read Delhi Jn. (Old Delhi) & not New Delhi as we had presumed. I swear if somebody had timed me that day, I would have broken the world record for 100m & 200m sprints!!! When I told me friends about the situation they started laughing because they thought I was playing a prank, but it took all of a second for the color on their face to drain away when I showed them the ticket!! After that all hell broke loose, and before you could say Taxi, we were already on one rushing towards Old Delhi.
For those who don't know, it takes about 25 mins on a light day to reach Old Delhi from New Delhi, and it was about 1715 and rush hour had begun in the walled city. The Sardarji at the steering wheel was one of the very best and he skillfully weaved his way through the traffic. He didn't need a horn, he had me leaning out of the window, hurling the choicest of Punjabi expletives at anyone or anything that came remotely close to delaying us!!
He dropped out outside Delhi Jn. at exactly 1730 and luckily we didn't have to climb any stairs to reach the platform as the train was right in front of us. We started hunting for S8, our coach, but there was nothing beyond S6! Not knowing what to do, we boarded a second class unreserved coach just as the train started moving, and then it dawned on me... I had called the Hindi IVRS number and my coach was S 'Ek' meaning 'One' and not 'eight' as I had heard it!! We planned to get off at Ghaziabad and run to our coach but the way was blocked by innumerable daily passengers, we just couldn't even leave our seats, so for the moment we had to stay put where we were.
Darkness fell thereafter and it really started getting cold. We boys, in all our bravado were not wearing anything beyond a pullover and a light jacket and the cold really started biting. The girls had more sense and had packed in a couple of shawls. We just huddled together in them, while the train trudged slowly through the fields of Uttar Pradesh. The fog had started coming in really bad and the train reduced to a crawl, and finally came to a halt at Pilakhua. A few passengers got off, but I guess it was too late for us to go and retrieve our seats in the Sleeper coach, and the lack of vestibules in the coach made things difficult.
The train stood for a long time at Pilakhua, and it was the first time that I really started noticing our co-passengers. Most of them were daily commuters between Delhi & neighboring towns. They spoke in an accent typically found in the bustling markets of Chandni Chowk, Dariba Kalan, Chwari Bazar etc. I guess most of them simply weren't used to having 2 good looking girls in jeans in their coach and I suddenly realize that almost the entire compartment was staring at us!!!
We had generally been talking in English, and our attire & rucksacks made stand out like sore thumbs in the entire coach!! None of the stares looked friendly, some were simply ogling and one particular specimen brazenly was scratching his privates! I could even hear some snide comments being passed about us (specially the girls) and I almost wanted to get up and teach one or two a lesson, but I knew that I would be up against the entire lot, and it would be a downright stupid move and simply chose to ignore them.
We had been stationary at Pilakhua for almost an hour now. Most of the passengers had also gotten down the coach was a much 'happier place' now, so we boys decided to stretch our limbs and take a leak while the girls chose to stick it around in the coach itself. Stepping outside, we saw the reason for the halt.. it was fog. Fog so dense that you couldn't see anything beyond 5 metres!! And I ain't kidding.. infact while we were standing there on the adjacent track, I told P that I could hear a train approaching, he said no, if there was one, we could at least see the headlamp. Barely 15 secs later, we heard a sharp blast from what could have been nothing but a locomotive horn we jumped off from the track. We saw what looked like a zero watt bulb 10 miles away, but was infact the headlamp of the damned engine and it was barely 20m away. Thankfully it was virtually crawling, so no hard done.
This train was packed with evening commuters and they were all getting restless, so much so that the combined mob of both the trains started stoning the signal cabin, forcing the poor fellers inside to abandon their posts and run for their lives!! Hearing the commotion, the poor Station Master came to the scene, only to be caught hold of by the irate janta and given a sound thrashing!! Seeing things go out of control, we thought it was better to be with the girls and we got back in the coach.
For the next 30 mins or so, we could hear all hell break loose outside and then all of a sudden the adjacent train blew it's horn and started moving. Seeing this almost all of the crowd forgot everything and clambered on!! It was all peaceful within a minute!! Apparently the Station Master thought it was best for these buggers to go ahead and face trouble themselves so he let the train go in spite of the fog. Later we learnt, that the crowd had even ransacked the station and even broken the furniture and using it as firewood to keep them warm!!
Privately, I was wondering whether it was really a good idea to travel not knowing what lay ahead, but still decided to stick it!! Finally around an hour or so later, the fog reduced a but and we were given the go ahead. We crawled slowly to Hapur, by when our stomachs were screaming with hunger. A typical small town station, Hapur at around 2230 hardly had any stalls open, except the guy with the bread-omlette tea stall!! Those days I used to be vegetarian, but the hunger was such that I didn't even think twice before digging into the omlettes. In all we must have finished a dozen omlettes between us, which topped by the piping hot chai, made for a hearty meal:o)
We settled down in our seats, and the coach had literally emptied itself, so that we could easily stretch our legs. Since the windows totally fogged out, we could barely see the countryside. It's only when the stations came by, did we have a semblance of where we were. Slowly, the entire coach was asleep and there was hardly any light, save for the faint light bulb near the doors. There, between in the passage between the toilet doors sat a gaunt man, somewhere in his 80s singing a song in the local dialect 'Chodi Sundar Avadh Nagariya....' (Thus left the beautiful city of Ayodhya... referring to the Ramayana where Lord Ram is banished to the jungle for 14 years). His singing went on all through the night, though I could not pick up most of the words, those lines still ring clearly in my head whenever that night comes to my mind.
All night long the train crawled along at a snail's pace and many time used to stop for long intervals at wayside stations. Morning at around 0700 we reached Rampur, a distance of 189km in a mere 13 hrs!!! The train stopped for about 30 mins at Rampur we had breakfast which was repeat of last night's dinner, omlette, toast and chai!! The long halt allowed us to stretch our legs our bit. And then off we went again. Fortunately for us, the same came out pretty soon and it was real bright and visibility was great. And for the first time in 15 hours we crossed 60kmph! The driver settled down to a steady 70-75kmph and we were rolling down the fields of UP. The landscape was boring, with the monotony of mustard field after mustard field. P & I promptly named it DDLJ country. Now u'd ask me why, well if you have seen the Bollywood tripe called 'Dilwale Dulahaniya Le Jayenge' would remember the song which shows Amrish Puri & his family traveling by train running through lush mustard fields...
We reached Sitapur City around 1230 hrs where the train halted for 20 mins or so. We had lunch consisting of ripe guavas. There on the new train really stretched its legs and we creamed past the 100kmph barrier. The dilapidated coach was threatening to come apart at it's seams but the driver kept up the pace relentlessly. There were halts every half an hour or so, but they had no effect on our man who drove like a man possessed. We really covered up some lost ground and reached Gonda Jn. at about 1530 hrs. From there on till GKP, the ride was pretty sedate and at Maskanwa, all hell broke loose again. As soon as the train halted hordes of milkmen piled on into the coach, not before hanging their milk cans by the window rods with the help of hooks. Within a matter of seconds each and every window and rows of milk cans hanging, and some even hung their bicycles on the windows!! Despite our fears, the milkmen were pretty civilized and none of them bothered us for a seat and despite the crowd we were sitting comfortably.
But it wasn't long before trouble of another sort started. We had crossed Khalilabad station and were now on the outskirts of Gorakhpur, when suddenly one of the milkmen got up and said "Achha bhaiya raam raam, hum chalat bha-in" (OK brother, time for me to go) and with these words, he promptly pulled the chain!! The train stopped, he along with many others coolly got off, detached their cycles and milk cans and made off. The poor guard and I guess the assistant were left with the task of resetting the alarm and the train started in about 5 mins, only to halt again within the next kilometer or so!! Leaning out I saw another lot of milkmen getting off and making their way home, while all the time the poor guard could just shake his head and curse them under their breath!! It took us nearly 50 mins and some 7 milk halts to cover the last 10km to GKP and we finally got off at the station at 1920 hrs, 26 hours after we had left Delhi!!
But that was just the first half of our journey to Nepal, we still had to cross the border into the Himalayan Kingdom and I for one had no clue how?
Continued in part 2....
To Nepal and Back - Part 2
Continued from Part -1
R the Nepal expert took over and led us outside the station and bang across the road we saw a huge board touting all sorts of buses to various cities in Nepal. We made our way into what seemed like a fairly decent travel agency and enquired about buses to Pokhara and were told that there were 2 sorts... Delux costing Rs. 170 and Super Delux at Rs. 190. We promptly paid for the super deluxe and the guy asked us to report back the same spot in an hour giving us ample time to catch our first meal in more than a day. Wolfing down sumptuous aloo parathas with curd and butter, I was relieved at making it one piece thus far. We were all excited about finally making it to Nepal and the worst seemed behind us.
We got to the agency at 2030 at about 20 mins later a mini bus - those Indo Jap Canter types showed up, already packed with people and there were atleast a dozen more including us who were supposed to get on the same!! I asked the agent whether 'THIS' was the 'Super-Deluxe' ride, to which he said that Indian vehicles are not allowed to cross the border, so this'll be our transport to the border at Sunaoli from where the 'Super-Deluxe' would take over!! Having no choice we plonked our bags and butts into a small place behind the driver and the fellow took off like a Sukhoi on full afterburners!!
The drive through the streets of GKP was a crazy roller coaster ride and I could almost see my maker at every turn - and during this ride where we picked up more passengers, I thought I saw GKP station twice again... apparently he was going around the town to pick up as many 'sawari' as he could and it was nearly 2200 when we finally hit the highway. I don't recall the journey much as the bus was packed tighter than any Virar fast at 1900 hrs while the driver executed some moves which would have made him an instant star on the WRC circuit. After what seemed an interminably long journey, we got off finally at the Nepalese border... it was my first time at an international border except that it didn't even look like one. To me it appeared like one of those weekly markets one sees in rural India, made up of shacks selling everything from 'Rekbok' shoes to live chicken! The conductor of the bus asked us to cross the border on our own and catch the bus which would be waiting outside Hotel 'Hilton Palace'. Well the crossing of the border was totally uneventful, the Indian cops didn't even give us a second look while the Nepalese posse was a bit more enthusiastic. They asked us to prove our identities (we showed our college IDs) and they sufficed as Indians don't need passport/Visa for entry into Nepal & vice versa. Ruchi spoke to them in Nepali and we couldn't make out much, but within a minute the officer smiled warmly at us and said 'Welcome to Nepal'.
Well, I had never expected that I'd actually 'walk' into a foreign country having always imagined airport immigration counters as the way to go. This was totally new... the no man's land between the two countries was actually being used as a parking lot for tourist taxis!! As we made our way towards Hilton Palace, Ruchi was very peppy back in her own country listening to Nepali rock blaring from every shop!! When we found Hilton Palace, well... we were in for a shock!! The hotel was closed, lock stock and barrel and no sign of even a tyre tube, leave alone a super deluxe bus!! Fearing that the bus might have left without us, we ran around asking people but no one had any clue about a bus, and we learnt that the hotel was closed for almost a year!!
We rushed back to India to the spot where the bus had dropped us and that too vanished!! In it's place, were just a couple of cycle rickshaws and their owners were grinning at us with a smile that told me something was horribly wrong!! I asked them about the bus and they said it had left within minutes of dropping us there. Asking about the 'Super Deluxe', I was told 'Saheb, aapka to chutiya kat gava. Nepal ka aakhri bus, to saadhe saat baje nikal jaat hai' (Saheb, you've been fleeced, the last bus for Nepal leaves at 1930 itself.) So I asked that if they knew this, then why didn't they tell us before as they had been around when the bus dropped us. And I got even a bigger bomb as a reply.. he said 'agar oo samay bataye diye hote, to abhi ee maja thode hi aata??' (Had we told you then, then how could have we enjoyed this joke at your expense now?)
Flabbergasted, I didn't know what to do except that I would have ripped a skull or two off their necks had anyone messed with me then. The situation was saved by Rwho promptly burst into tears!! Here we were two guys and two girls, at midnight at an international border with nowhere to go. Trying the Indian police post was no help... the boys were dozing in their chairs. Talk of porous borders... An entire division of Chinese T-72s could have rolled across the border with the Red Army marching to blaring sound of trumpets and these guys wouldn't have had a clue!!
Again, the Nepalese cops were a bit more helpful, they knew this was common practice but they couldn't much as such things happened on the 'other' side. What he did do, was to guide us an all night taxi stand some distance away who could probably help us. Reaching there, we just found a little kid who said that his boss had gone for his dinner and would be back soon. I was tired, dog tired and feeling very very guilty looking at the equally tired and longer faces of my friends. This wasn't a holiday that I had planned, it was a nightmare and I had led them into it!! It was getting really cold and my hands were freezing, I really wanted to get me self a drink that's exactly what I did, there was a booze shop open next to the taxi stand along with a phone booth. R called up her sister Pokhara and her husband advised us to reach Butwal, a cantonment 26km away somehow. He said he'd call up there and make arrangements for us, but we'd have to get there somehow.
One thing about Nepal though, the clean fresh air of the mountains felt so much refreshing after the noxious vapors that one breathes in Delhi, but after a while... our nostrils actually hurt; so clean was the cold air, but it felt real good to be back amongst the mountains... any way; there we sat, on a little platform by the roadside, shivering in the cold and helping ourselves with some vodka wondering what to do next, when the Taxi company owner arrived. To my surprise, it was a it was a Sardarji who ran the show. I shouldn't have been surprised though, haven't you heard of Santa Singh, at whose dhaba Neil Armstrong & Edwin Aldrin had chai - 'malai maar ke' in the Sea of Tranqulity? Anyways, turned out that Bittu, a strapping Sikh in his late 20s was running the show inherited this business from his dad away on a pilgrimage to Amritsar. I narrated him our problem in my best Ludhiana Punjabi and sure enough he'd heard it before. He asked me where I was from and I said Delhi and then he asked me what college I was in. Taking a fat chance I said Khalsa (this is the most famous Sikh college in Delhi, though I actually studied at Kirori Mal) and he almost leapt up!! Turned out that he too had studied there, and asked me if I knew his cousin Bobby? And sure as hell I did (didn't I)!!! Well within a minute a driver was roused from his sleep. The 4 foot something 'Bahadur' as most Nepalese are known was irritated at the prospect of driving on a cold night, but a shot from our bottle was enough to entice him and I promised him there would be more if he dropped us at Butwal quickly.
Khalsa camaraderie aside, we had to pay 650 Rs. for a 26km ride!! I would have traveled AC first class instead!! But as the adage goes, beggars can't be choosers... so then off we went, and it seemed that our Bahadur, who sat on a cushion to be able to see out of the windshield (I wonder how his feet touched the pedals) was in a bit of a hurry to get the bottle that I had promised and for the second time in a space of hours, we were at the mercy of a fighter pilot without wings. But then our senses had been numbed by fatigue and alcohol and all that we cared for was for a bed. We made it to Butwal somewhere around 0200 and made it to the hotel that had been booked for us. There was an army officer waiting outside the hotel and he escorted us in. Safely tucked into the warm rooms we crashed and woke up only at about 1000 and met the girls downstairs for breakfast and to decide the further PoA.
Enquiries revealed that there was a bus to Pokhara every hour, and it would be a 5 hour run till there. Breakfast was again bread-omlette and a short walk later we were at the bus stand. The bus was a fairly decent Tata chassis with the body built in UP but had comfortable seats. Only problem, the roads were real bumpy and we were the backbenchers!! The fare at the lunch stop en route did not look very exciting, and R had told us that there was a Nirula's joint in Pokhara as well, so we decided to skip lunch and whet our appetite for the stuff at Nirula's. We reached Pokhara late in the afternoon and after a quick reunion between the sister's we hailed a taxi to take us to the lakeside where the joint was situated.
A word about Pokhara here. Situated 140km west of Kathmandu, it's a typical Nepalese town circled on 3 sides by the great Himalayas dominated by the famous Annapurna peak. The mountain is revered as the local deity in this parts and also the patron goddess of this region. The mountain is also known locally as 'Macha - Puchare' meaning 'Fishtail', a name derived from the kink in the mountain's peak. The center of attraction in the town is the 'Phewa Tal' (lake) around the banks of which most tourist attractions are situated.
We boys were put up at a hotel run by an Nepalese army veteran in the Mahendrapul area, while the girls stayed home with R's family. It was only when I woke up the first morning in the hotel and stepped into the balcony, did I realize the full meaning of the phrase 'room with a view'! One of the most breathtaking sunrises of my life was unfolding right in front of me on the slopes of the Annapurna. The fishtailed peak was hidden by a slight mist but the flanks below were tinged in the most amazing orange I have ever seen in my life. Just sitting in the balcony and reading the newspaper with the morning coffee would have revived the most slothful of men. After getting ready, we went for breakfast to our host's place, which was a typical Raj-relic military bungalow, with beautiful manicured lawns. The lawns themselves offered amazing vistas of the Himalayas and the sumptuous fare served by Khem Bahadur & Netra Bahadur; the household helps invigorated us like a full bottle of divine nectar.
The next one week was spent in the company of friends going for trekking & mountain biking along the trails on the slopes of the Annapurna range, boating in the Phewa Tal, a breathtaking mountain flight around the snow capped mountains which was all the more scary because of the advancing age of our Dakota (DC-3). I never knew these old hags could even fly!! Evenings were spent partying in the numerous restaurants around the town. Still, we could never stay out late as one can do here, and usually we were back at around 8. One evening, we dropped the girls home and headed back to our hotel. We hadn't had dinner and decided to order from the kitchen, and upon enquiring we were told that only two items were available at that 'late' hour: namely Wai Wai (branded Nepalese noodles) and the standard Nepalese 'Thali'.
P ordered Wai Wai and me the bold and the adventurous decided to try the Thali. Well his noodles arrived promptly and he gulped them down while I looked hungrily in his direction. My order arrived a full 45 mins later, and it consisted of boiled rice, spinach vegetable, yellow dal (lentils) and some pickle. One morsel later I knew why it took so long... after all it would take the fastest Nepalese jet atleast 'SOME' time to fly to the famous Tihar Jail of Delhi and back. No wonder Charles Sobhraj escaed at the first chance he got!!
The new year eve saw me sloshed at 7 PM but still I managed to light my traditional cigar at mid-night!! But faster than we expected though, it was time to head back home:o(The return journey was to be the same way. We were to catch a bus from Pokhara to Sunaoli border, and a teary farewell to R's family later, we were back to the poinky poinky of the Nepalese highways. R slowly was lulled away to sleep by her tears, and the other two were dozing as well, but I couldn't catch a wink of sleep as a sudden bout of depression hit me!! At around 3 AM the driver stopped at a highway dhaba (restaurant) and announced that we'll move only around 5 AM. We all got off to stretch our legs, but I was in no mood for a conversation. So I just idled around and was surprised to see a booze shop open at that hour!! What was even more surprising was the fact that it was manned by a girl who wouldn't have been a day older than 12!!
I was feeling real cold and decided that a little vodka might do me some good, so I bought a quart clear stuff and gulped half of it straight... rest I mixed with some Limca and walked back to the bus. I didn't feel like going back to the dark gloomy interiors so I just sat on the road, propped against the bus and lost in the train of my thoughts. The only sound you could here was of that of rain, but there was no rain around...instead millions and millions of dew drops were falling off the leaves onto the forest floor, creating an uncanny sound. I sat there for god knows how long, as truck upon truck thundered down the highway inches away from me. Just as the gray dawn peeped behind the hills, we were off again and stopped only when we reached the border.
The crossing again was a mere formality, with the Nepalese guards wishing us a thank you & good luck while the Indian boys were exactly where we had left them 8 days back, in their chairs.... sleeping. We caught a mini-bus back to Gorakhpur, and the driver of this one was by far the worst of the lot I had ever come across, swinging madly between lanes he drove like a fiend. While his crony, the conductor held on the door handle and leant out crazily substituting for the horn that the bus didn't have. Anyways, he was more entertaining that any bus horn that I have ever heard and his chaste Bhojpuri admonishments to every milkman, cyclist and jay walker on the road were a real treat.
We reached Gorakhpur station around 0900 and headed straight to the reservation counter to book our tickets back home. The reservation counter those days used to operate on the token based system so just took our token and waited for our turn while chatting nineteen to the dozen about our experiences in the past few days. Finally our turn came and we managed to get RAC accommodation on the Shaheed Express back to Delhi. After freshening up on the surprisingly neat and clean toilet & bath complex at the station, we headed out for some breakfast and in the joint outside the hotel we bumped into the same travel agent who sold us the 'Super Delux' bus tickets a week back!! I wanted to throttle him there and then, but my friends held me back, but this fellow upon seeing us had the gall to ask us how our trip to Nepal was??
Well that was about all I could take and I flew from my chair and grabbed him by the throat and had him pinned on the floor. It took more than half the restaurant to free that fellow from my grip and even then he was threatening me with dire consequences for my actions. My temper wasn't willing to subside either and I had to be dragged back into the station.
We parked ourselves into the waiting room which basically was an open sided room which looked onto the platform thus giving us ringside view of the proceedings. Our train, which was supposed to turn up at 1330, got late by an hour every hour and finally wheezed in at about 1700 behind the most ancient loco I had ever laid my eyes across. We thankfully had got the berth numbers right this time and settled down in our respective side lowers. By Gonda, we even got confirmed berths which was all very well except that the cold was making us shiver like a tuning fork!! A tot of rum and a helpful blankets by some kind military men literally saved our lives as we dozed off. Around midnight we are at Lucknow and a steaming kulhad of chai revived me, while the others were now fast asleep. I nodded off again and got up next morning somewhere around 1000 and were surprised to be told that we'll be reaching Delhi in an hour. There was surprisingly no fog around and the weather was sparkling in the warm glow of the winter sun.
We reached Delhi Jn. around 1130 and bade goodbyes after a thoroughly enjoyable & memorable adventure which I'll remember to the smallest detail to my grave. I dropped P home, and reached mine to trying to cook up a 'decent' explanation for my newly pierced ear :o)
R the Nepal expert took over and led us outside the station and bang across the road we saw a huge board touting all sorts of buses to various cities in Nepal. We made our way into what seemed like a fairly decent travel agency and enquired about buses to Pokhara and were told that there were 2 sorts... Delux costing Rs. 170 and Super Delux at Rs. 190. We promptly paid for the super deluxe and the guy asked us to report back the same spot in an hour giving us ample time to catch our first meal in more than a day. Wolfing down sumptuous aloo parathas with curd and butter, I was relieved at making it one piece thus far. We were all excited about finally making it to Nepal and the worst seemed behind us.
We got to the agency at 2030 at about 20 mins later a mini bus - those Indo Jap Canter types showed up, already packed with people and there were atleast a dozen more including us who were supposed to get on the same!! I asked the agent whether 'THIS' was the 'Super-Deluxe' ride, to which he said that Indian vehicles are not allowed to cross the border, so this'll be our transport to the border at Sunaoli from where the 'Super-Deluxe' would take over!! Having no choice we plonked our bags and butts into a small place behind the driver and the fellow took off like a Sukhoi on full afterburners!!
The drive through the streets of GKP was a crazy roller coaster ride and I could almost see my maker at every turn - and during this ride where we picked up more passengers, I thought I saw GKP station twice again... apparently he was going around the town to pick up as many 'sawari' as he could and it was nearly 2200 when we finally hit the highway. I don't recall the journey much as the bus was packed tighter than any Virar fast at 1900 hrs while the driver executed some moves which would have made him an instant star on the WRC circuit. After what seemed an interminably long journey, we got off finally at the Nepalese border... it was my first time at an international border except that it didn't even look like one. To me it appeared like one of those weekly markets one sees in rural India, made up of shacks selling everything from 'Rekbok' shoes to live chicken! The conductor of the bus asked us to cross the border on our own and catch the bus which would be waiting outside Hotel 'Hilton Palace'. Well the crossing of the border was totally uneventful, the Indian cops didn't even give us a second look while the Nepalese posse was a bit more enthusiastic. They asked us to prove our identities (we showed our college IDs) and they sufficed as Indians don't need passport/Visa for entry into Nepal & vice versa. Ruchi spoke to them in Nepali and we couldn't make out much, but within a minute the officer smiled warmly at us and said 'Welcome to Nepal'.
Well, I had never expected that I'd actually 'walk' into a foreign country having always imagined airport immigration counters as the way to go. This was totally new... the no man's land between the two countries was actually being used as a parking lot for tourist taxis!! As we made our way towards Hilton Palace, Ruchi was very peppy back in her own country listening to Nepali rock blaring from every shop!! When we found Hilton Palace, well... we were in for a shock!! The hotel was closed, lock stock and barrel and no sign of even a tyre tube, leave alone a super deluxe bus!! Fearing that the bus might have left without us, we ran around asking people but no one had any clue about a bus, and we learnt that the hotel was closed for almost a year!!
We rushed back to India to the spot where the bus had dropped us and that too vanished!! In it's place, were just a couple of cycle rickshaws and their owners were grinning at us with a smile that told me something was horribly wrong!! I asked them about the bus and they said it had left within minutes of dropping us there. Asking about the 'Super Deluxe', I was told 'Saheb, aapka to chutiya kat gava. Nepal ka aakhri bus, to saadhe saat baje nikal jaat hai' (Saheb, you've been fleeced, the last bus for Nepal leaves at 1930 itself.) So I asked that if they knew this, then why didn't they tell us before as they had been around when the bus dropped us. And I got even a bigger bomb as a reply.. he said 'agar oo samay bataye diye hote, to abhi ee maja thode hi aata??' (Had we told you then, then how could have we enjoyed this joke at your expense now?)
Flabbergasted, I didn't know what to do except that I would have ripped a skull or two off their necks had anyone messed with me then. The situation was saved by Rwho promptly burst into tears!! Here we were two guys and two girls, at midnight at an international border with nowhere to go. Trying the Indian police post was no help... the boys were dozing in their chairs. Talk of porous borders... An entire division of Chinese T-72s could have rolled across the border with the Red Army marching to blaring sound of trumpets and these guys wouldn't have had a clue!!
Again, the Nepalese cops were a bit more helpful, they knew this was common practice but they couldn't much as such things happened on the 'other' side. What he did do, was to guide us an all night taxi stand some distance away who could probably help us. Reaching there, we just found a little kid who said that his boss had gone for his dinner and would be back soon. I was tired, dog tired and feeling very very guilty looking at the equally tired and longer faces of my friends. This wasn't a holiday that I had planned, it was a nightmare and I had led them into it!! It was getting really cold and my hands were freezing, I really wanted to get me self a drink that's exactly what I did, there was a booze shop open next to the taxi stand along with a phone booth. R called up her sister Pokhara and her husband advised us to reach Butwal, a cantonment 26km away somehow. He said he'd call up there and make arrangements for us, but we'd have to get there somehow.
One thing about Nepal though, the clean fresh air of the mountains felt so much refreshing after the noxious vapors that one breathes in Delhi, but after a while... our nostrils actually hurt; so clean was the cold air, but it felt real good to be back amongst the mountains... any way; there we sat, on a little platform by the roadside, shivering in the cold and helping ourselves with some vodka wondering what to do next, when the Taxi company owner arrived. To my surprise, it was a it was a Sardarji who ran the show. I shouldn't have been surprised though, haven't you heard of Santa Singh, at whose dhaba Neil Armstrong & Edwin Aldrin had chai - 'malai maar ke' in the Sea of Tranqulity? Anyways, turned out that Bittu, a strapping Sikh in his late 20s was running the show inherited this business from his dad away on a pilgrimage to Amritsar. I narrated him our problem in my best Ludhiana Punjabi and sure enough he'd heard it before. He asked me where I was from and I said Delhi and then he asked me what college I was in. Taking a fat chance I said Khalsa (this is the most famous Sikh college in Delhi, though I actually studied at Kirori Mal) and he almost leapt up!! Turned out that he too had studied there, and asked me if I knew his cousin Bobby? And sure as hell I did (didn't I)!!! Well within a minute a driver was roused from his sleep. The 4 foot something 'Bahadur' as most Nepalese are known was irritated at the prospect of driving on a cold night, but a shot from our bottle was enough to entice him and I promised him there would be more if he dropped us at Butwal quickly.
Khalsa camaraderie aside, we had to pay 650 Rs. for a 26km ride!! I would have traveled AC first class instead!! But as the adage goes, beggars can't be choosers... so then off we went, and it seemed that our Bahadur, who sat on a cushion to be able to see out of the windshield (I wonder how his feet touched the pedals) was in a bit of a hurry to get the bottle that I had promised and for the second time in a space of hours, we were at the mercy of a fighter pilot without wings. But then our senses had been numbed by fatigue and alcohol and all that we cared for was for a bed. We made it to Butwal somewhere around 0200 and made it to the hotel that had been booked for us. There was an army officer waiting outside the hotel and he escorted us in. Safely tucked into the warm rooms we crashed and woke up only at about 1000 and met the girls downstairs for breakfast and to decide the further PoA.
Enquiries revealed that there was a bus to Pokhara every hour, and it would be a 5 hour run till there. Breakfast was again bread-omlette and a short walk later we were at the bus stand. The bus was a fairly decent Tata chassis with the body built in UP but had comfortable seats. Only problem, the roads were real bumpy and we were the backbenchers!! The fare at the lunch stop en route did not look very exciting, and R had told us that there was a Nirula's joint in Pokhara as well, so we decided to skip lunch and whet our appetite for the stuff at Nirula's. We reached Pokhara late in the afternoon and after a quick reunion between the sister's we hailed a taxi to take us to the lakeside where the joint was situated.
A word about Pokhara here. Situated 140km west of Kathmandu, it's a typical Nepalese town circled on 3 sides by the great Himalayas dominated by the famous Annapurna peak. The mountain is revered as the local deity in this parts and also the patron goddess of this region. The mountain is also known locally as 'Macha - Puchare' meaning 'Fishtail', a name derived from the kink in the mountain's peak. The center of attraction in the town is the 'Phewa Tal' (lake) around the banks of which most tourist attractions are situated.
We boys were put up at a hotel run by an Nepalese army veteran in the Mahendrapul area, while the girls stayed home with R's family. It was only when I woke up the first morning in the hotel and stepped into the balcony, did I realize the full meaning of the phrase 'room with a view'! One of the most breathtaking sunrises of my life was unfolding right in front of me on the slopes of the Annapurna. The fishtailed peak was hidden by a slight mist but the flanks below were tinged in the most amazing orange I have ever seen in my life. Just sitting in the balcony and reading the newspaper with the morning coffee would have revived the most slothful of men. After getting ready, we went for breakfast to our host's place, which was a typical Raj-relic military bungalow, with beautiful manicured lawns. The lawns themselves offered amazing vistas of the Himalayas and the sumptuous fare served by Khem Bahadur & Netra Bahadur; the household helps invigorated us like a full bottle of divine nectar.
The next one week was spent in the company of friends going for trekking & mountain biking along the trails on the slopes of the Annapurna range, boating in the Phewa Tal, a breathtaking mountain flight around the snow capped mountains which was all the more scary because of the advancing age of our Dakota (DC-3). I never knew these old hags could even fly!! Evenings were spent partying in the numerous restaurants around the town. Still, we could never stay out late as one can do here, and usually we were back at around 8. One evening, we dropped the girls home and headed back to our hotel. We hadn't had dinner and decided to order from the kitchen, and upon enquiring we were told that only two items were available at that 'late' hour: namely Wai Wai (branded Nepalese noodles) and the standard Nepalese 'Thali'.
P ordered Wai Wai and me the bold and the adventurous decided to try the Thali. Well his noodles arrived promptly and he gulped them down while I looked hungrily in his direction. My order arrived a full 45 mins later, and it consisted of boiled rice, spinach vegetable, yellow dal (lentils) and some pickle. One morsel later I knew why it took so long... after all it would take the fastest Nepalese jet atleast 'SOME' time to fly to the famous Tihar Jail of Delhi and back. No wonder Charles Sobhraj escaed at the first chance he got!!
The new year eve saw me sloshed at 7 PM but still I managed to light my traditional cigar at mid-night!! But faster than we expected though, it was time to head back home:o(The return journey was to be the same way. We were to catch a bus from Pokhara to Sunaoli border, and a teary farewell to R's family later, we were back to the poinky poinky of the Nepalese highways. R slowly was lulled away to sleep by her tears, and the other two were dozing as well, but I couldn't catch a wink of sleep as a sudden bout of depression hit me!! At around 3 AM the driver stopped at a highway dhaba (restaurant) and announced that we'll move only around 5 AM. We all got off to stretch our legs, but I was in no mood for a conversation. So I just idled around and was surprised to see a booze shop open at that hour!! What was even more surprising was the fact that it was manned by a girl who wouldn't have been a day older than 12!!
I was feeling real cold and decided that a little vodka might do me some good, so I bought a quart clear stuff and gulped half of it straight... rest I mixed with some Limca and walked back to the bus. I didn't feel like going back to the dark gloomy interiors so I just sat on the road, propped against the bus and lost in the train of my thoughts. The only sound you could here was of that of rain, but there was no rain around...instead millions and millions of dew drops were falling off the leaves onto the forest floor, creating an uncanny sound. I sat there for god knows how long, as truck upon truck thundered down the highway inches away from me. Just as the gray dawn peeped behind the hills, we were off again and stopped only when we reached the border.
The crossing again was a mere formality, with the Nepalese guards wishing us a thank you & good luck while the Indian boys were exactly where we had left them 8 days back, in their chairs.... sleeping. We caught a mini-bus back to Gorakhpur, and the driver of this one was by far the worst of the lot I had ever come across, swinging madly between lanes he drove like a fiend. While his crony, the conductor held on the door handle and leant out crazily substituting for the horn that the bus didn't have. Anyways, he was more entertaining that any bus horn that I have ever heard and his chaste Bhojpuri admonishments to every milkman, cyclist and jay walker on the road were a real treat.
We reached Gorakhpur station around 0900 and headed straight to the reservation counter to book our tickets back home. The reservation counter those days used to operate on the token based system so just took our token and waited for our turn while chatting nineteen to the dozen about our experiences in the past few days. Finally our turn came and we managed to get RAC accommodation on the Shaheed Express back to Delhi. After freshening up on the surprisingly neat and clean toilet & bath complex at the station, we headed out for some breakfast and in the joint outside the hotel we bumped into the same travel agent who sold us the 'Super Delux' bus tickets a week back!! I wanted to throttle him there and then, but my friends held me back, but this fellow upon seeing us had the gall to ask us how our trip to Nepal was??
Well that was about all I could take and I flew from my chair and grabbed him by the throat and had him pinned on the floor. It took more than half the restaurant to free that fellow from my grip and even then he was threatening me with dire consequences for my actions. My temper wasn't willing to subside either and I had to be dragged back into the station.
We parked ourselves into the waiting room which basically was an open sided room which looked onto the platform thus giving us ringside view of the proceedings. Our train, which was supposed to turn up at 1330, got late by an hour every hour and finally wheezed in at about 1700 behind the most ancient loco I had ever laid my eyes across. We thankfully had got the berth numbers right this time and settled down in our respective side lowers. By Gonda, we even got confirmed berths which was all very well except that the cold was making us shiver like a tuning fork!! A tot of rum and a helpful blankets by some kind military men literally saved our lives as we dozed off. Around midnight we are at Lucknow and a steaming kulhad of chai revived me, while the others were now fast asleep. I nodded off again and got up next morning somewhere around 1000 and were surprised to be told that we'll be reaching Delhi in an hour. There was surprisingly no fog around and the weather was sparkling in the warm glow of the winter sun.
We reached Delhi Jn. around 1130 and bade goodbyes after a thoroughly enjoyable & memorable adventure which I'll remember to the smallest detail to my grave. I dropped P home, and reached mine to trying to cook up a 'decent' explanation for my newly pierced ear :o)
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
What can we do?
In the aftermath of the Delhi Bomb Blasts, everyone is asking the now familiar question... what can we do? Doing what the protagonist in A Wednesday did is a bit too far fetched for the common man, here's what the people who profess to be our protectors can do. But before that, lets get on with the mandatory disclaimer :
"The following views are those of an armchair expert. One that has seen too many movies & too much blood on news TV. Accept these suggestions at your own risk, but these suggestions are perhaps better than those that Mr. Patil has."
--
#1 : Have more cops on the street. Far too many cops are on VIP duty, protecting the thugs, cheats, liars, murderers and rapists who go around in bullet proof cars with red beacons!! At any given point in time, 10,000-12,000 police and paramilitary personnel are on VIP duty !! Slash the entourages of these bloody VIPs - they don't deserve even 25% of these numbers. Use these cops to have more feet on the street, so that they can patrol better. More people, more leads, more chances of us preventing such incidents.
#2 : The money saved from this VIP bandobast should be used to increase the pay of these cops. A person who works more than 120 hours a week for 7,000 Rupees would be more interested in finding 'alternate' means of making money rather than discharge his duty. Pump in more money I say, train them well. Make them physically fit and mentally alert. Equip them with better equipment. Armed with an ancient .303 Lee Enfield, I won't be fancying my chances against an AK-47 armed terrorist for far too long.
#3 Get more technology : CCTVs (ones that work), explosive detectors and other advanced equipment should be installed and important market places should have separate entry and exit gates which should be manned - PROPERLY. Just go to Priya in Vasant Vihar, New Delhi. The main entrance next to the police check post has a couple of door frame metal detectors, which is switched off on most occasions. When it is on, not a single cop is manning it. Moreover, there are a dozen other entrances into the market where not a cop is in sight. I think law enforcement agencies should by now know that real life villains are not he buffoons you see in Bollywood !!
#4 Have a national law to fight terrorism, and a single agency with the resources it needs to fight these assholes. Human rights be damned for a while...... Dead humans have only one right - to a decent funeral !! Whip the asses of those in CBI, IB & RAW into action. Half of the fat slobs in these agencies are jockeying for positions and fighting for chairs!
#5 Shove electric cattle prods up the posteriors of hate mongers and religious fundamentalists. And for me, the top names in the list are morons like Modi, Togadia & the rest of the Bajrang Dal, Shiv Sena & MNS tribe. All that these nincompoops do is give inflammatory speeches, attack unarmed and hapless individuals, gift shops and movie theaters. If they really feel like doing something for this country, then they should shut their mouths and do something more worthwhile.
#6 Invest in a better emergency response system - One look at the government hospital will prove that most people who end up there have no chance of making it out safely anyway. Look at the ambulances - most are dingy-shopping-cart-on-wheels Maruti vans, which can't even take a fully grown male. Anything more than an oxygen cylinder is a luxury and paramedics are unheard of !!
These are just some of the things I could think of. I don't know if I am right or wrong but at least I am thinking. Not like that wimp Shivraj Patil who can only rehash his speeches of "condemning such dastardly acts and convey his sympathies with those affected." Get rid of him.... please !!
"The following views are those of an armchair expert. One that has seen too many movies & too much blood on news TV. Accept these suggestions at your own risk, but these suggestions are perhaps better than those that Mr. Patil has."
--
#1 : Have more cops on the street. Far too many cops are on VIP duty, protecting the thugs, cheats, liars, murderers and rapists who go around in bullet proof cars with red beacons!! At any given point in time, 10,000-12,000 police and paramilitary personnel are on VIP duty !! Slash the entourages of these bloody VIPs - they don't deserve even 25% of these numbers. Use these cops to have more feet on the street, so that they can patrol better. More people, more leads, more chances of us preventing such incidents.
#2 : The money saved from this VIP bandobast should be used to increase the pay of these cops. A person who works more than 120 hours a week for 7,000 Rupees would be more interested in finding 'alternate' means of making money rather than discharge his duty. Pump in more money I say, train them well. Make them physically fit and mentally alert. Equip them with better equipment. Armed with an ancient .303 Lee Enfield, I won't be fancying my chances against an AK-47 armed terrorist for far too long.
#3 Get more technology : CCTVs (ones that work), explosive detectors and other advanced equipment should be installed and important market places should have separate entry and exit gates which should be manned - PROPERLY. Just go to Priya in Vasant Vihar, New Delhi. The main entrance next to the police check post has a couple of door frame metal detectors, which is switched off on most occasions. When it is on, not a single cop is manning it. Moreover, there are a dozen other entrances into the market where not a cop is in sight. I think law enforcement agencies should by now know that real life villains are not he buffoons you see in Bollywood !!
#4 Have a national law to fight terrorism, and a single agency with the resources it needs to fight these assholes. Human rights be damned for a while...... Dead humans have only one right - to a decent funeral !! Whip the asses of those in CBI, IB & RAW into action. Half of the fat slobs in these agencies are jockeying for positions and fighting for chairs!
#5 Shove electric cattle prods up the posteriors of hate mongers and religious fundamentalists. And for me, the top names in the list are morons like Modi, Togadia & the rest of the Bajrang Dal, Shiv Sena & MNS tribe. All that these nincompoops do is give inflammatory speeches, attack unarmed and hapless individuals, gift shops and movie theaters. If they really feel like doing something for this country, then they should shut their mouths and do something more worthwhile.
#6 Invest in a better emergency response system - One look at the government hospital will prove that most people who end up there have no chance of making it out safely anyway. Look at the ambulances - most are dingy-shopping-cart-on-wheels Maruti vans, which can't even take a fully grown male. Anything more than an oxygen cylinder is a luxury and paramedics are unheard of !!
These are just some of the things I could think of. I don't know if I am right or wrong but at least I am thinking. Not like that wimp Shivraj Patil who can only rehash his speeches of "condemning such dastardly acts and convey his sympathies with those affected." Get rid of him.... please !!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Again
Again Delhi was hit by bombs
Again people died
Again frantic calls went out checking for friends' & family's safety
Again those bastards have gotten away with it
Again our cops could do jack shit about it
Again our ministers read from speeches that were the same as last time
Again our news channels have gone hyper about it
Again we're glued to the idiot box watching blood & gore
Again these blasts will be forgotten soon
Will there be more blasts again?
Again people died
Again frantic calls went out checking for friends' & family's safety
Again those bastards have gotten away with it
Again our cops could do jack shit about it
Again our ministers read from speeches that were the same as last time
Again our news channels have gone hyper about it
Again we're glued to the idiot box watching blood & gore
Again these blasts will be forgotten soon
Will there be more blasts again?
Thursday, September 11, 2008
The Big Dud - Fuck You India TV
Further my yesterday's post - We're still alive and the earth is still around much to the disappointment of those who were worried that this experiment would lead to Armageddon.
However it has led to certain unfortunate repercussions. Indian news channels predictably had turned their reportage into mindless doomsday blabber. They fielded everyone from scientists to astrologers and had a field day scaring the living daylights out of people. And if you think it doesn't have any impact on people, then you're wrong.... Read This from the Indian Express..
"Big Bang' scares girl to commit suicide
Indore, September 10: A 16-year-old girl in Madhya Pradesh has allegedly committed suicide after watching TV programmes that made dooms-day predictions relating to the atom-smasher experiment in Geneva on Wednesday.
Chhaya, a resident of Sarangpur town in Rajgarh district, consumed sulphos tablets (an insecticide) on Tuesday, her parents said. The girl was rushed to Indore's MY Hospital where she succumbed on Wednesday.
Her parents told reporters that she was watching a news report relating to the world's biggest atom-smasher experiment on TV channels for the last two days and was restless.
Police have registered a case in this regard and further investigations are on. The experiment is being carried out to recreate the birth of universe and unlock its secrets, with scientists rubbishing reports of any threat to the planet because of it."
I mean this is ridiculous... Though I'm the first one to admit that the girl perhaps over reacted, but then will nobody question the role of the continuous scaremongering that our media indulges in.
Thankfully, the government seems to have woken up and news has come in that the I&B Ministry has issued warnings to India TV and Aaj Tak .... About Time !!
"CERN Big Bang: TV channels draw I&B ire for spreading panic
11 Sep 2008, 0416 hrs IST,TNN
NEW DELHI: Even as the world celebrated the successful 'Big Bang' experiment on Thursday, doomsday predictions by certain news channels raised the hackles of the information and broadcasting (I&B) ministry.
The ministry has issued advisories to India TV and Aaj Tak for spreading "misinformation, fear and horror" among people. It has advised the channels to exercise restraint in presenting issues.
The ministry has also written to the Indian Broadcasting Federation (IBF) and the News Broadcasters Association (NBA) to advise its members to refrain from broadcasting such content and to be careful in selection of news items. The ministry found stories talking about the world coming to an end, shown in various dramatised forms, as unsuitable for "unrestricted public exhibition" and "unsuitable for children".
Media critics have pointed out that instead of looking at the Big Bang experiment as a scientific development, doomsday stories only succeeded in scaring naive viewers and annoying those who saw through the facade. "The experiment has been the talking point everywhere for all the wrong reasons," a media critic said.
According to the downlinking guidelines, the ministry can issue a showcause notice to channels for violation of the programme code. A decision on punitive action is taken by an inter-ministerial committee after the TV channel responds. While in some cases, the channel may only have to run a scroll of apology for screening an offending advertisement or programme, in cases of serious violation, the ministry is empowered to ban the channel.
In the recent past, the ministry has banned FTV and AXN after repeated violations of the programme code. The government has come under flak for acting as the "moral police" and taking a call on what is suitable for broadcast. The industry has been keen on regulation by peers rather than a government-led body."
However it has led to certain unfortunate repercussions. Indian news channels predictably had turned their reportage into mindless doomsday blabber. They fielded everyone from scientists to astrologers and had a field day scaring the living daylights out of people. And if you think it doesn't have any impact on people, then you're wrong.... Read This from the Indian Express..
"Big Bang' scares girl to commit suicide
Indore, September 10: A 16-year-old girl in Madhya Pradesh has allegedly committed suicide after watching TV programmes that made dooms-day predictions relating to the atom-smasher experiment in Geneva on Wednesday.
Chhaya, a resident of Sarangpur town in Rajgarh district, consumed sulphos tablets (an insecticide) on Tuesday, her parents said. The girl was rushed to Indore's MY Hospital where she succumbed on Wednesday.
Her parents told reporters that she was watching a news report relating to the world's biggest atom-smasher experiment on TV channels for the last two days and was restless.
Police have registered a case in this regard and further investigations are on. The experiment is being carried out to recreate the birth of universe and unlock its secrets, with scientists rubbishing reports of any threat to the planet because of it."
I mean this is ridiculous... Though I'm the first one to admit that the girl perhaps over reacted, but then will nobody question the role of the continuous scaremongering that our media indulges in.
Thankfully, the government seems to have woken up and news has come in that the I&B Ministry has issued warnings to India TV and Aaj Tak .... About Time !!
"CERN Big Bang: TV channels draw I&B ire for spreading panic
11 Sep 2008, 0416 hrs IST,TNN
NEW DELHI: Even as the world celebrated the successful 'Big Bang' experiment on Thursday, doomsday predictions by certain news channels raised the hackles of the information and broadcasting (I&B) ministry.
The ministry has issued advisories to India TV and Aaj Tak for spreading "misinformation, fear and horror" among people. It has advised the channels to exercise restraint in presenting issues.
The ministry has also written to the Indian Broadcasting Federation (IBF) and the News Broadcasters Association (NBA) to advise its members to refrain from broadcasting such content and to be careful in selection of news items. The ministry found stories talking about the world coming to an end, shown in various dramatised forms, as unsuitable for "unrestricted public exhibition" and "unsuitable for children".
Media critics have pointed out that instead of looking at the Big Bang experiment as a scientific development, doomsday stories only succeeded in scaring naive viewers and annoying those who saw through the facade. "The experiment has been the talking point everywhere for all the wrong reasons," a media critic said.
According to the downlinking guidelines, the ministry can issue a showcause notice to channels for violation of the programme code. A decision on punitive action is taken by an inter-ministerial committee after the TV channel responds. While in some cases, the channel may only have to run a scroll of apology for screening an offending advertisement or programme, in cases of serious violation, the ministry is empowered to ban the channel.
In the recent past, the ministry has banned FTV and AXN after repeated violations of the programme code. The government has come under flak for acting as the "moral police" and taking a call on what is suitable for broadcast. The industry has been keen on regulation by peers rather than a government-led body."
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
End of the world? The Fuck I Care....
The world is very excited about this fancy experiment which attempts to recreate the Big Bang and perhaps answer the one big question that has been bothering us ever since homo sapiens figured out he was intelligent - how the hell did the universe begin??
And then there is this another set of people who think that conducting such experiments is lying playing with nature and it may even lead to the end of the world!!
Physics apart, I sometimes think that world has too much time and money on its hand!! Some buggers have all the money in the world to spend on pointless exercises like this one? I mean what the hell would change if we were able to find out how the Big Fuckin' Bang happened? Will that take care of AIDS, Malaria or Osama Bin Laden? Will it solve the Indo-Pak conflict or end the perpetual Mid East Crisis?
Come on people... there is lots more in the world that needs the money that we waste on experiments like this or pointless missions to Mars & Pluto! For chrissake, I have no interest in knowing if Pluto's atmosphere contains Benzene or not, nor do I care if there are any Martians for real. If Hollywood can kill them, then anything can! I'd rather spend money on improving the crop yield in Africa or eradication of Polio & Malaria.
And for the End Of The World Theoricians - I reserve a bigger Fuck You !! Go find something more meaningful to do.
And then there is this another set of people who think that conducting such experiments is lying playing with nature and it may even lead to the end of the world!!
Physics apart, I sometimes think that world has too much time and money on its hand!! Some buggers have all the money in the world to spend on pointless exercises like this one? I mean what the hell would change if we were able to find out how the Big Fuckin' Bang happened? Will that take care of AIDS, Malaria or Osama Bin Laden? Will it solve the Indo-Pak conflict or end the perpetual Mid East Crisis?
Come on people... there is lots more in the world that needs the money that we waste on experiments like this or pointless missions to Mars & Pluto! For chrissake, I have no interest in knowing if Pluto's atmosphere contains Benzene or not, nor do I care if there are any Martians for real. If Hollywood can kill them, then anything can! I'd rather spend money on improving the crop yield in Africa or eradication of Polio & Malaria.
And for the End Of The World Theoricians - I reserve a bigger Fuck You !! Go find something more meaningful to do.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
They've returned.... and how !!!
After many many years Metallica is out with an album that sounds like it is a Metallica album. People, here's the first video from 'Death Magnetic' - it's called 'The Day That Never Comes'
Can't wait to get my hands on the complete album which is being released today. A full review will follow.
Can't wait to get my hands on the complete album which is being released today. A full review will follow.
Monday, September 08, 2008
Make the most of what you have
Make the most of what you have...
Work hard... save, save for all the things you want to buy
Go out, see the world
Live your life to the fullest, don't have any regrets
For death comes at the end of life, not at the beginning
- Inspired by a Sufi proverb
Work hard... save, save for all the things you want to buy
Go out, see the world
Live your life to the fullest, don't have any regrets
For death comes at the end of life, not at the beginning
- Inspired by a Sufi proverb
Saturday, September 06, 2008
The train
The world flashes by from the window of my train
Through summer, through winter and the heaviest rain
I see fields, I see farmers
I see bridges, I see rivers
I see stations, I see people
I see temples & church steeples
Children wave and cows scamper
Wives walk down with hubby's lunch hamper
Through tunnels & gradients
Dancing belles & mendicants
Kulhars of Chai with omlette bread
It's the lunch at Itarsi that I dread
On the door with a cigarette in hand
Next to a sticker that says smoking is banned
Cricket and politics discussed no end
Tulsi is the best, the women contend
Oblivious to this, the train rumbles on
Station after station, keeps going on.....
Through summer, through winter and the heaviest rain
I see fields, I see farmers
I see bridges, I see rivers
I see stations, I see people
I see temples & church steeples
Children wave and cows scamper
Wives walk down with hubby's lunch hamper
Through tunnels & gradients
Dancing belles & mendicants
Kulhars of Chai with omlette bread
It's the lunch at Itarsi that I dread
On the door with a cigarette in hand
Next to a sticker that says smoking is banned
Cricket and politics discussed no end
Tulsi is the best, the women contend
Oblivious to this, the train rumbles on
Station after station, keeps going on.....
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